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"Oohh sweet dark, sweet dark...the stars, don't you remember the stars? Oh the twinkly stinkly smelly belly stars" ~Artie, the Strongest Man... in the World!


Artie the Strongest Man in the World

Artie is the Strongest Man in the World, a superhuman Awesome with supernatural strength. He derives his powers from the red and blue underwear that is his costume, a 40/60 blend of titanium and cotton. He may also be a mutant, but this is not explained. He advocates excercise, training, good diet, and not eating metal.

Based in a set jurisdiction of Wellsville, New York, he protects the forces of good such as the Wrigley family, and battles the forces of evil, such as Hathead and Papercut. He was the personal superhero and protector of the younger of the two Pete Wrigleys. He is a friend and positive role model to all children.

He can skip stones on Neptune, move an entire house by an inch, hit a golf ball 300,003 yards, and leap across the city in a single jump. He has other powers such as heat vision, though they are not used as often.

His battle cry is "pipe" and his favorite scent is the air let out of car tires. Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, likes armpit noises because, as he says, it reminds him of his mother. "Love Rollercoaster" (and perhaps funk in general) attracts Artie, like a "giant funk magnet". He once knew Ernest Hemingway and Gertrude Stein.

Artie's residence looks like a normal Port-A-Potty, but apparently it's big enough to host a dinner party with a lot of people. This may indicate that Artie is a Time Lord.

His only known weaknesses are dischordant Whammy bars (like deadly kryptonite), brainwashing, and he hates riding in cars.

The end of Artie's influence over Wellsville comes in two parts. Supervillain and head of the International Adult Conspiracy John McFlemp concocts a dastardly plan to rid the parents of Wellsville of the nuisance that is Artie forever, and threatens to destroy all that is unique about the kids of Wellsville. McFlemp extorts Don Wrigley and convinces him to get rid of Artie. The Petes, Ellen, and Younger Pete's various friends start a campaign to find Artie, who disappears in Dad's car after a disheartening speech from Don. The campaign consists of a Bat-Signal-esque (see Batman) likeness of Artie's face, t-shirts, and various souvenir items. After Don realizes his mistake and joins in the search, Artie is brought back to Wellsville, only to find Younger Pete standing up to Papercut all on his own, demonstrating that Artie's protective influence is no longer needed.