Ben tells people he is a "scientist" but then when asked where he got his degrees, gave his doctoral thesis, worked on research, or published even a single paper, he invariablly responds by taking off his clothes, screaming, stammering, making accusations, and then running away. Through tears he can often be heard saying "IQ is genetic, you mean harassers!" He lost his legal appeal in the Ninth Circuit Court and now is legally required to put quotes or do air-quotes whenever he writes or says he is a "scientist".

He calls being asked for his scientific credentials an "ad hominem attack".

He currently lives in a paneled wood basement where all of the furniture has plastic on it so he's not allowed to sit on it. He goes there after every human interaction he has to reassure himself that they're all wrong, he's not the one who's wrong, he'll get back at them, he knows science, all science, every science, he's read all seven books, he's going to change the world one day as soon as everyone else suddenly starts agreeing with his rants.

Ben has tried everything to get his fellow human beings to accept his debunked, incredibly unbelievable, outrageous, unaccepted and blatantly offensive worldviews. He has yelled at them, he has mocked them, he has argued in an incredibly dodgy and dishonest way, he has threatened people, he has ridiculed vulnerable groups, and he has photoshopped images in hopes that his alternate reality of alternate facts comes true.

He is constantly confused as to why more people aren't swayed.

Here are all of the books he has read:

  1. The History of Whites and Those "Other" Ones by Frichard James Pothole
  2. Whites Invented Ice Cream and Other Cocktail Party Small Talk by Lord Spenthurst
  3. How to Keep Others Down So You Don't Have to Improve by Jodup Crimpley
  4. Fragile And Proud, the David Duke Story by David Duke
  5. Southern Cooking Bible by Paula Deen
  6. Skintone Supremacy As A Stand-In For Accomplishments by Gavin MacGibbins
  7. Skin Be So Thin: The Tale of a Southern Projectionist and Other American Heroes by 14/88 Publishing

It is understandable then, why nobody likes Ben. He is not a very good person and in addition to all of his bigotry, he also smells really bad. Probably not as big a thing compared to the other stuff, but it's also the case and that certainly doesn't help. His own mother has disowned him and when asked if it was due to his reprehensible views or his renowned smell, she winked as though to say to the cameras "I'll never tell, only a mother knows for sure!"

He tells all people of color that he is smarter than them, but when they ask for his IQ or SAT scores (77 & 650, respectively), he puts his finger to his lips, says something to the effect of "you're not smart enough to understand even if I told you", then guffaws & snickers so hard that snot usually flies out of his nose and is stuck there all day.

His greatest goal in life is to Make America Great Again, which he will easily accomplish just as soon as he can get four working tires and a steering wheel for his car in the ALDI's parking lot where he left it. Next week, probably.

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