"Well, nothing prepared me for being this awesome. It's kind of a shock. It's kind of a shock to wake up every morning and be bathed in this purple light." ~Ben Franklin
Awesomes stand above the rest as the brightest and best individuals. They didn't ask for it, many were just born that way, (called a Natch) inherited from a cool uncle or big brother or sister, as the genes so determine. Other work x-tremely hard their whole life to be Awesome. A few, (very few) even make it.
Awesomes can only be either Good Awesomes or Evil Awesomes, with many, many gray areas in between and even those who do not care. Most who strive for Awesomeness are doing so to be good, since a main virtue of Evil is laziness. Some of those who try may turn evil on their path, however. Still, the majority of Awesomes are good, especially those who were not born with it. This makes those Evil Awesomes even more deadly and powerful individuals. They seldom work in teams due to greed, selfishness, misanthropy, lycanthropy, self-interest, bank-interest, points-on-the-gross and general unpleasantness to be around. They constantly steal damsels which is a slightly nicer way of saying they are rapist douche-bags. Good Awesomes tend to congregate in groups, making them more powerful overall (if they have good team dynamics). There are some Good Awesomes who like to hog all the glory and work alone, soaking in the spotlight for their relatively minor accomplishments (Douchey Awesomes). The more vanity and self-promotion they get out of their work, the less Awesome they become. An exception would be Dr. Tasty, a loner-type hero who doesn't seek but avoids the spotlight, and even he finds himself working with and joining the Revengerists from time to time (approximately 1,279 times). Though this usually results in an earth-shattering kaboom.
The Revengerists have alway preferred to work in the darkness of society's shadows to get done what has to be done. Most of their battles, it is important to note, take place in hyperrealities, astral planes, ghost dimensions, cod dimentions, rifts in spacetime, atop mystical mountaintops, the mall parking complex during when its closed, next Thursday, in the hearts and minds of good Christians everywhere, and even Ragnarök. sometimes Eugene Levy.
There is much debate as to who is Aweomse. It is assumed that all the Revengerists are Awesomes, or else they couldn't be Revengerists, though it is unknown if this is due to an instrinsic quality of Revengering, or if they have a discriminatory hiring policy. It may be a simple job prerequisite, so that the applicant won't vaporize or something. Also, cool shoes are a must. Nobody wants to hire a scrub.
Special skills and powers of different Awesomes vary but they almost uniformly share the ability to punch hardest, be the most powerful one there is, live longer (except for QuikDri) and harder, percieve or even venture among other planes of reality, enjoy the smells and tastes of food and women with more delight, judge wine more accurately, +50 charisma, think faster and brighter, Quickbooks mastery, jump and run a little better at least, and know when the shit is about to go down. Some would call all of this Peak Physical Condition, but those guys don't even lift. Many of them can push fire or shoot bullets. There are many other abilities that they can do, here is a list, those it is by far incomplete, and does not include things like hamfisting or rock & roll.
Awesomes who are born evil have the natural advantages of opportunism, mastery, power-madness, and supemacy. They cannot be stopped because there is nothing to stop them. They don't play by the rules because they want to break every rule. They are unpredictable and ultimately dangerous in the extreme. They don't view Awesomeness as an intrinsic natural trait from which the abilities follow, with evil being subsidiary, equal, or coincidental. They believe themselves to be evil first and foremost, with Awesomeness as a mere perk, one of many. They know that only evil can truly be Awesome.
Evil Sucks. You Suck. UR BOLTH STUPIDS.
Many people who may not have been norn Awesome and in fact actual point of fact were everday
nobodys FUCKIN NORMS, nevertheless make it after years of hard rock. Whether pure good Awerseom like Rocky Balboa, or thorogly evil like Lex Luthor, or some of both and alcaholic like Tony Stark, every day heroes of science and imagineering result in amazing AWESOME results. Some Trueists decide that there are no SeLF-MADe AWESOMe at all, but insted that they must have probably been Awesome all allong for sure, or else they are Tame Ass Karate so obviously. Heroes and villens of business, music, sports, entertainment, and Al Borland seen to contradict this. BUT O MAYBE THEY JUST DINT KNOW THEY ARE AWESOME ALL ALONG AND HAD TO BE TOLD OR FIGURE IT OUT OR MAYBE MANIFEST AT A AGE DID YOU THINK OF THAT SHIT NO YOU DIDNT!!!! irregardless a selfmade awesome will always have to prove themselves beyond any doubt at a certain point because their foes are almost always going to be a outmatched NATCH Awesome (Dr. Doom v. Mr. Fantasitc, Rocky Balboa vs. Ivan Drago, Lex Luthor vs. Superman, Biggie vs. Tupac, Adolf Hitler v. Winston Churchill, Sylar v. Anyone Else on Fucking Heroes).
Shutup : Batman. End of Discussion.
Most Awesomes do not know they are Awesome. In fact, when they do, they will often go around telling eberybody, which has a dampening effect on their Awesome abilities, and/or makes them Douchey Awesomes. Regardless, very few Natch Awesomes are born realizing their powers. Why would they? Though a select few will discover this at a young age, the majority figure it out during puberty as their powers manifest with all the other icky bodily changes. Even still there are those who go into adulthood and old age unawares of the roiling Awesomeness deep inside them, waiting for that one crucial moment, game-winning shot, quest or final battle to reach down and utilize it.
It is possible, though unknown and unknowable, that there are Awesomes out there who live their whole lives and die without ever knowing how Awesome they are. So sad. For just pennies a day, you can make a difference (but $20s and $50s would be better).
Usually, the wizened eye of another experienced Awesome mentor can see the potential inside them.
An Awesome may think they have lost their Awesome status ability powers; via mind warping, defeated in battle, losing confidence or mojo because of a girl or villain's scheme, taken away by an Old God or power drainer, slummin' it, being in a place where powers do not seem to work, writer's strike, they transfered all the power into something or someone else, a nullification spell, or they were foreclosed upon. In fact, however, in 100% of all cases, an Awesome does not permanently lose his/her powers, as they are always deep down inside them all along. The power... of friendship.
STATE of AWESOME THeORY
Some theologeans from the far Eastern magical mystical mystery cults believe that we all existin a perpetual cycle of Awesome energy, and therefore some are at higher levels but everyone is potentical can make possibitlity to use it. Certain excersises activities and skills would make you more Awesome such as base stealing, anything to do with damsels, and sittin on a toilet. Certain places may imbue you with this 'Awesome' like a focusing metaphysical iris, including but not limited to; Hel Propa, Coral Castle, Mardi Gras, Spain, Outer Space, Sacred Ground, Mt. Olympus and Yankee Stadium. The use of psychedelic drugs could potentially make you more Awesome, if for no other reason than the people who oppose them so staunchey are antithetically NOT-Awesome. Certain professions work this way. Animators, for example, are always Awesome.
This theory is still hotly debated. None survived.
It is unclear if only advanced humans or humans who have earned Awesomeness are titled Awesomes, or if gods and vampires or aliens or robots or snakemen or molemen or snakemolemen or badgerpeople or ghosts or mermaids or bigfeets or reptilians or cyborgs or turtles or zombies or werewolfs or wererednecks or or right-wingers or slugs count as Awesomes. Some people just use Awesome a lot more loosely than others, and this has resulted in many punches to the face.
The adj. form of Awesome is the most used in the non-Awesome FUCKING norm communities, and by wannabees and tame-ass karate self-abusers who use it way too much to describe things that are only just good like normal ice cream or non-dinosaur saurians or the only sex norms ever have. Even their lame bor-ing DICTIONARIES use this, for example, which makes them more lame. Its easy to tell, if you're an AWESOME. AWESOMES don't describe things as being awesome (adj.) because that is redundant to them, as they already now what is and what is now.
The verb form is also confusing ("I'm going to just be awesoming along my way now" "watch me awesome the hell of out this" "she awesomed him out of this world") because a> it is just as easy to use the actual verb for what it is it you describing, b>nobody ever does this and c> sriously, are you a goddamned smurf or something?
PROOF OF REAL AWESOMES
some people do not beliefe in the truth about real awesomes being real but they are real here is a short list of real awesomes that is always growing becase more awesomes are discovering their real awesomeness every day so feel free to add to this list is is no means compete.
- The Egyptian Strongman - has super strength and super virility but this video is in some other language with lots of reading, claims to gets his powers from Allah
- Tree Man - Indonesian man with bark for skin, proveing that sometimes Awesomeness is a curse as well as a blessing.
- TECHNOVIKING - doesn't dance to music, music dances to him, gets his powers from techno beats and possibly viking gods
- Crazy Running Lady - Pittsburgh, PA resident who must always fuel her awesomeness by running. She can never stop. She will run up and down the block waiting for the bus to come, and then run up and down the middle of the bus once she gets on it. If she stops running for a moment, even to chat, she will die.
- Monkey Man - Indian rock-climbing super spider monkey man
- Invisible Dude - a Chinese artist with the ability to render himself almost completely invisible, which he uses to evade capture sometimes.
- Das Uberboy - a German infant born with supermuscles
- Akrit Jaswal - super-unreasonably smart child in India, where they are having a big superpower boom. like, way more Awesome than Doogie Howser, almost as Awesome as Neil Patrick Harris.
- Epic Beard Man - super strength, invulnerability to punches and being tazed three times, defender agains bus bullying everywhere (Oakland), does his part to keep the city clean and safe, and is a motherfucker.
- Antoine Dodson - he gon' find you.
- Masutatsu Oyama - best at karate, could even kill a bull with his bare hands. spent alot of time on a lone mountain.
- Jetman - worked hard his entire life to be Awesome. Good work, Jetman!
- The REAL Batman - dark knight protector He is real and his twitter even references IRL events, so may be their is a correlative portal function between the Earth of Gotham and the other Earths of the Omniverse like the one we live in now!?
- Monsieur Mangetout - super stomach powers ! can eat anything from glass and metal to toxic substances, born Awesome even though he is in Grenoble, France . His weaknesses are hard-boiled eggs and bananas.
- Liew Thow Lin - similar to Magneto but stuff just sticks to him, born Awesome, passed it on to his children with genes.
- Rathakrishnan Velu - Malaysian man who knws the importance of annual tooth checkups. Jack Lelanne, eat your heart o!
- Rubber Boy - uuuuuuuuh....
- Marc Norton - used furniture salesman from Cleveland, OH who can get you credit in his store, seriously.
- Yma Sumac - clearly a space alien, with a vocal range far higher than any known human is possible, also of unknown origins somewhere in a jungle, where they revered her as a goddess queen of power.
- The Pink Man - singing, unicycling, leotarded superhero sent here to 'Pink' the world.
- Frank Chu - in constant communication with space lords concerning the conspiracies of the populations of the twelve galaxies. possibly able to tell the future, its very hard to understand him. VOTE HIM FOR MAYOR!!!
- Harry Potter - magical wizard boy who keeps us non-wizards (Norms) safe from evil, and they keep it all a secret from the non-Awesomes (Muggles).
- Nina Kulagina - like Prof X. but not as powerful, also a soviet lady.
- SharpCyclone - a 'Tri-Kinetic' with Aerokinesis, Hydrokinesis, and Electrokinesis. Sometimes feels that having these gifts can seem like a curse. But it is rare he think such thoughts.
- Daniel Tammet - super calculator brain
- Artie, the Strongest Man in the World - as popularized by the television mini-series 'Pete and Pete'
- man with tail - somewhere in London, where many creatures still haunt.
- The Skipper - Doesn't need a goddamn boat.
Other Awesomes in the public eye:
(evil Awesomes are
italysized bold, because evil should be bold. also italy-sized is not a word.)
Nelson Mandela, Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Willis, Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Gaius Julius Caesar, Lucy Pinder, "Magic" Johnson, Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, Jack Lelang, Elizabeth Bathory, Bruce Lee, Martin Van Buren, Muhammed Ali, George Takei, Ching Shih, Crazy Harry, Kody Kickfighter, The Intruders, Pineal Warriors, Kid President, Old Hag, Vermin Supreme, Dave Coulier, Steve Jobs, James Brown, Don Quixote, Babe Ruth, Albert Einstein, Anne Austin, Lew Zealand, Napoeon Bonaparte, Yoshi, Rupert Murdoch, Not-All-Man, Captain of Köpenick, Flash Gordon, Green Ghoul, Lou Gehrig, Isaah Thomas, Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Mike Tyson, Wayne Gretzky, Brett Favre, Queen Nefertiti, Rory Rashad, Hunter S. Thompson, Richard Nixon, Akira Ifukube, Marian and Vivian Brown, Frank Zappa, Matthew Lesko, Jack Hanna, Snoop Dog, John F. Kennedy, Ty Cobb, the McGuire Twins, Mister Rogers, Samus Aran, Ivan Fernandez Anaya, Dr. Jeckyll, Mr. Hyde, Richard Branson, any Israeli supermodel, Peewee Herman, Ivan Drago, Rollerman, Dr Horrible, Afrodisiac, Woman in Red, Bluebeard, Bubblenator, Qigong Monks, LeBron James, James Dean, James Bond, Shigeru Miyamoto, Elvis Presley, Christopher Walken, Leonardo Da Vinci, Ben Franklin, Mr. Hooper, Grigori Rasputin, Yma Sumac, the Zodiac Killer, Hexxus, Jerry Garcia, Janis Joplin, Kompressor, Bibulos, Hiro Nakamura, Fantomah, Nong Youhui, Miss Fury, King Tut, Hello Kitty Man,' Tim Boo Ba, Count von Count, Dr Light, Dr Strange, Edward Snowden, Bushman, Monsieur Pierdlourde, Potato Witch, Isabella Miroslav, Joybubbles, Adjudicator, Captain Canada, Pai do Mato, John Geary, Cassius Clay, Charlie Parkhurst, Mr. Polka Dot, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Emperor Norton, Sojourner Truth, Hydro Afu, Jill Trent, Science Sleuth, Grey Faux, Florida Man, Phoenix Coney, He-Man, Terry Crews, Batkid, Lil' Crispito John, Dark Schneider, Sherlock Holmes, Bigfoot, L. Ron Hubbard, Larry Bird, George Harrison, John Lennon, Gonzo, Eleanor Roosevelt, Dale Earnhardt, Xena: Warrior Princess, Terence McKenna, Jim Jones, Ynwie Malmstein, Bob Marley, Kumar Ramanathan, Glenda the Good Witch of the West, George Clinton, the Queen of Sheba, Super Turbo Atomic Mega Rabbit, Calculator, Owl Man, Ann Osman, George Lucas, Mabel Walker Willebrandt, Rickey Henderson, Nosferatu, O.J. Simpson, Cat Woman, Skeletor, Rob Ford, Weed Man, Diogenes, Hip Knox, the Super Hypnotist,Red Green, Betty Bates, Ramses II, Alexander of Tyre, Tamale Lady, Hannibal Lecter, Oscar Wilde, Vlad the Impaler, Charles Nelson Reilly, Aretha Franklin, Chameleon Falcon, Sky King, Mad Gasser of Matoon, Eagleman Stag, Dr McNinja, Mahna Mahna, Anne Boleyn, Barangaman, Stephen Curry, Harriet Tubman, Yisrayl Hawkins, Captain Awesome, The Apollo, Grandpa Dobri, Jerry Lewis, Oscar the Grouch, Vladmir Lenin, Ronald Reagan, Buckminster Fuller, T'Challa , Gastro Gnome, Ellen Ripley, Amelia Earhart, Mr. T, Marilyn Monroe, Brian "the Beard" Wilson, Crackers the Corporate Crime-Fighting Chicken, George Foreman, Perspective Man, Most Interesting Man in the World, Cobra Commander, Dogman, Gulabi Gang, God of the Internet, League of Oppressive Fighting Awesome Hellions, Kurt Vonnegut, Eric Kranz, Economic Hitmen, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Charles Barkley, Midget Vampire, Buddy Rich, Maibam Itomba Meitei, Jackie Chan, Nina Simone, John McEnroe, Mark Twain, the Tick, Mother Teresa, Al Gore, Dennis Rodman, Walt Disney, Red Tornado, Rosemary's Baby, Emil Rupp, Wolf Man, Alberto Santos-Dumont, Ninja on a Motorcycle with a Baseball Bat, Super Enigmatix, Boy God, Upright Citizens Brigade, Six-Gun Gorilla, Lord of Memes, Michael Jackson, Bill Walton, Bootsy Collins, the Notorious Betty Page, Jesus Christ, Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali, Jim Henson, Lady Satan, David Arquette, Emo Space Jesus, Dalai Lama, Jenny Everywhere, Powdered Toast Man, Crazy Quilt, Henry Ford, Bill Watterson, Harry S Truman, Nicola Tesla, Krshna, Professor Van Helsing, Ents, Jack the Ripper, Adolf Hitler, the Norse Pantheon, Marc Norton, Edgar Cayce, Carl Sagan, Black Venus, Thimble Master, Gene Krupa, Finn the Human, Buffpy, Usain Bolt, Nick Arcade Wizards, The Ray, Robyn Hode, The Shadow Lord, Weapon X, Bill Haast, Hammurdlah, Condiment King, Captain T&T, The Residents, Hamburger Helper, Batboy, Smoke, Star Sapphire, Flatwoods Monster, Lady Cop, Wolf Cop, Wizard Cops, War Boys, Magician of Mars, Brother Voodoo, Admiral Sir Manley Power, Blade, Chernobog, The Mighty Favog, Fruit Ninja, Ronald McDonald, Godzilla, most Jedi, all Spaniards, all astronauts , all muppets, and all women.
There are many animal Aresomes, as people who claim animals can be Awesomes. This is proven by the Internet. A list of Awesome animals however, would require seven trillion billion million thousand hours. Certain species of animals only produce Awesomes, including Great White Sharks, Sloths, Cats , Grizzly Bears, the Dire Wolf, Tyrannosaurus Rex, Unicorns, Tauntauns, pugs, Polar Bears, Jackalopes, Sabre-Toothed Cats, Squirrels, Dragons, caterpillars, Ligers, koalas and Hamsters. You'll notice that the majority of these Awesomes are the animals that most often fall under the heading of evil (as indicated above by emboldening).
Specific animal individuals who are known to be Awesome include Devil Dinosaur, the Owl Bear, Queen Bee, Jim the Immortal, Negaduck, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Mousetronaut, Space Owl, as well as entire groups of animals such as all Cephalopods, all Pocagemon and most Sackimals such as Farter, Muchamp, Hypdude and Farter.
Certain places act as focal points for Awesomeness, wither in the individual or in the environment, like mystical magical supernatural paranormal metaphysical liminal ley lines or some shit. These include any Nexus of All Realities. Sometimes these places are universally accepted as being Awesome, like SPACE, and other times it is only Awesome for a specific period in time, like Ancient Greece or the USofA, or only Awesome for a specific group of people, like Sacred Ground for Highlanders or Russia for the Russians. Alternately, some places are made more Awesome by the Awesomes in high population density there, and not the other way around. It's impossible to know.
Some identified Awesome Places include; Space, Spain, Underseas, Mars, wherever James Dean is right now, Ancient Greece, the Pyramids, the Savage Land, Gotham City, Sunnydale, Hogwart's, Hill Valley, Tibet, Silent Hill, Twin Peaks, any volcano, the Grand Canyon, Lovecraft County, the Mariana Trench, the North Pole, Mega-City One, The City, This Great City in Middle America, the Twilight Zone, Hawai'i, Wakanda, Freedonia, the Dark Dimension, Elbonia, Aquabania, Monkey Isle, Attilan, Asgard, and that Island from Lost.
Norms are anyone who is NOT Awesome. In the Revengerist Omniverse , almost every character is Awesome, even those who used to be Norms like butlers or Interns, acheive at least a little Awesomeness by proximity. Contrary to what one would think, it is best in the Revengerist Omniverse to assume someone is Awesome, unless it is specifically stated otherwise. A very dramatic reveal would sometimes be to show that a character long-thought to be Awesome was a Norm all along, but to fool so many Awesomes means they must have been a little Awesome to be so tricky. Many a FUCKING NORM tries to fool people into thinking that they are an Awesome, but they are just wanabe posers with Tame-Ass Karate, secret identities, a cape, and tasers. There is absolutely nothing else worth saying about Norms. Those who are completely devoid of any and all possibility of Awesome, and who also magnetically repellent of Awesome, are NOT-Awesome. Many correctly presume that all Norms and Not-Awesomes are inferior to Awesome Evil Overlords, and should therefore be either eradicated, or made into a slave race.
FAILing at being AWESOME
People who try their whole lives to be awesome and fail at it are miserable skinks. They not only look pathetic to members of whatever sex they are attrected to, they also should get killed with Lazorbeem Eyes. Evil Awesomes are incapable of failing at being Awesome, and therefore immune to Lazorbeem Eyes (<--THAT IS NOT EVEN LOGIC!). This does not include those who are Accidentally Awesome or Coincidentally Awesome or Ironically Awesome. As incredibly obsessed the Internet is with Awesomes and Animal Awesomes (see above), it also seems inanely populated with videos of Not-Awesomes failing with their Tame-Ass Karate.
Tame-Ass Karate (or scientific symbol "TK"), is the phony Awesome substitute that people who try and fail to be Awesome possess instead of Awesomeness. Usually the stinking failures at Awesome do not have Tame-Ass Karate, only those who either intentionally or ignorantly feign Awesomeness in what the DSM-IV refers to as total poser syndrome. This, counterintuitively, puts those with Tame-Ass Karate below even the general failures, as TK has negative Awesome pull, and in some rare cases has even been known to reduce natural Awesomeness in others nearby due to the strain of eye-rolling. Interestingly, while Awesomes who do not acknowledge their own Awesomeness are more powerful than those that revel in it, unwittingly naive (which most are) Tame-Ass Karate posers are just as sickeningly pathetic as the duplicitous fakers. But not to worry, Instant Karma's gonna get them, a Dark Era Revengerist with something to prove and a haunted past.