The Revengerists (NOW Gluten-FREE!®©™) is the consortium of fighters of crime and evil, they are globetrotting superpowered adventurers and benevolent protectors of all things awesome, (and even some mundane stuff for when they get bored). They have been in operations for years and are there whenever the world or anyone else is in trouble. They have participated in many
fictitional events from the super insignificant to world changing.
Revengerists logo by Herb Poop
(November 15 2007)
(November 22 1977)
|Type of organization||
Dimensional Rift F08102 Hollowed Out Moon Core
|See: Full list of Revengerists members|
Each person on the team is an Awesome, a state of being either inborn (a 'Natch Awesome') or attained through selfless, courageous, difficult and kickass years of hard work and deeds. All Revengerists are Awesomes, but not all Awesomes are Revengerists.
They keep to the shadows in order to most effectively kick the crotches of those they deserve, shunning public lime lights and thus keeping their secrets. A method so super-effective, it has since been named 'Revenging'.
The team is famous for its battle slogan "If we can't save you, you're fucked!" which would appear in telephone books, bus stand ads and late late late night radio spots, with no indication of what the service was for. The team has featured humans, mutants, vikings, gods, aliens, robots, and even former villains.
Various team biography origin teamEdit
See also: List of Revengerists members
|"if we can't help you, you're fucked."
— Prologue from The Revengerists
Their first adventures were set on the mythical hypothetical Norse plane known as Mÿspæœ-Gröüpen, set in the future year(s) of two-thousand-ought-seven to two-thousand-ought-nine. A rag-tag team with humble beginnings, The Revengerists (consortium of stuff) was soon to become the premiere exclusive club for superpowered individuals (or: Awesomes ) the world over. By two-thousand-ought-ten, despite its rigid restrictions against normal humans (or: Not-so-awesomes), the team had expanded to many chapters spanning the globe. Their combined efforts and brilliantly coordinated movements allowed them to stave off the would-be apocalypse of two-thousand-ought-twelve, thus beginning their now-ancient and sacred annual Company Picnic and Pig Roast tradition.
Even though they had been in existence for many years prior (or had time traveled or something), this was the first public declaration of their existence in some meager form, as they were seeking to recruit new members to help them prepare and fight in the Great LEGO™ War or two-thousand-ought-eight. Their subversive street marketing campaign had netted them few results, and so turned to the new science-fiction technology of the in-ter-net:
- If you are: an ingenius inventor of advanced weapons technology, an extraterrestrial with powers far beyond those of Earthly mortals, really good at math, a diety or demi-god of ancient myth, a living symbol of some otherwise abstract belief, rather skilled in some regard, a sorcerer supreme, a hybrid human posessing incredible primal skills of hunting and tracking, invulnerable to damage, a mystical monster including but not limited to dragons, encumbered with lots of money, an evolutionary or even toxic mutant, an alchemist, able to regenerate at impressive rates, can induce radiation, in part or whole sentient robot, commander of legions of animals, underground denizens, or the dead, you yourself are undead, or can rejuvenate teammates from the dead, a hideous beast with immense strength, a victim of cosmic happenstance and science gone horribly wrong, or a girl, then the REVENGERISTS (consortium of stuff) is the place for you! We'll start you in our unpaid internship program, where we'll show you the ins and outs of crime-fighting and super-advanced macro-philantropy. Then you'll move on to our Accelerated program where you'll pad out that resume and do some good for mankind in the process! Learn how to control those devastating outbursts capable of leveling entire neighborhoods! Get a free t-shirt!*
- *High school diploma or GED is a must, current enrollment in a university or instituion is not a prerequisite, t-shirts may be on back order for several millenia whilst interdimensional shadow beings are at large, some rules and conditions may apply, not responsible for injurious fate resulting from dismemberment, immolation, suffocation, combustion, implosion, explosion, corrosion, deatomization, viral infection, squishing or perhaps squooshing, zombification, sudden blood loss, banishment to nether-realms, and/or indigestion, not valid with any other offer in Utah, while supplies last.
After an initial misunderstanding, the renewed collection of heroes united and defeated many featured villains, notably borrowing the dimensional trickster from the Shazaam! cartoon, Mr. Mind and his Monster Society of Evil. While the superheroes individually defeated most of the invaders, the heroes fell prey to a single competitor's attack; only by working together were they able to defeat the competitor. For many years, the heroes heralded this adventure as the event that prompted them to agree to pool resources when confronted with similar menaces. They note how well they work together and form a team to secretly protect the world from earthquakes, villainous societies, earthquakes secretly caused by villainous societies, internet bullying, bombardments from space, invaders from space, the terrible secret of space, overt coolness (see also: too much funk), bank fraud and other white collar crimes usually gone unpunished by 'The System', petty quarrels and personal disputes, the End Times, the Robot War of the Future, political rhetoric, and spinning blades (no matter how cool they look slicing wetly through the unsuspecting Norm populace).
They decided to call themselves the Revengerists because that's what they did the most of, and their logo (designed by internet bullying-victim/perpetrator and world-renowned performance artist Herb Poop) became someone's crotch getting kicked in the crotch. The roster changes almost immediately; by the beginning of the second issue, Normal Jog has become Odd Jog and, at the end of the issue, Dr. Tasty leaves for the first of his 2,719 departures/reunions with the group. Feeling responsible, the Revengerists try to locate and contain Dr. Tasty, which subsequently leads them into combat with the frozen block containing the South Side Santa, who has frozen his tuchus off in Pittsburgh, and upon being revived slays the unimportant and hitherto unnamed members of their team. Santa is given honorary "founding member" status, but all of the others (Tasty in particular) know where he really stands.
This was also the part of the series that our time-traveling heroes frequented, since it was their first and most important adventure, so the heroes who co-habitate this storyline are actually heroes from every time period. This makes it hard to tell where to place it in the continuity, or which character speaking is from which part of the timeline, or whether it really counts as their forming and origin at all, since they indeed fought many other battles together at much earlier time periods in time, and had all met and known of the group previously. It was around this "time" that Der Kirche was retconned into their origin.
Many milestones were introduced that are important to the Revengerists today, from their battle cry ("SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!") to the founding of their pan-temporal sub-terranean kick-ass base, the Revengerist Compound, funded by charitable donations from drug busts and rich assholes who don't really know how much money they might be missing anyway, and serviced by fastidious robot butler Bob Sequious! and a team of Interns. They will use most any mode of transport, from flying through the air by supernaturally pushing the electromagentic force beneath their feet, to their state-of-the-decked-out sex-engine private warjet, to being driven around town in their Interns' the New Dodge Neon.
Breshvic Penicillin founded the group sometime in the late seventies, during the First Era. His inspiration for the name came to him when he was ordering a pepperoni pizza from an Italian eatery and they put garlic on it instead. At some point early members like Bricksplosive, Nova Dude and Irish Cream tag along. It would be years before cute girls were allowed to join this 'Boy's Club' finally breaking the glass ceiling with their Awesome air punch.
It was a short time later that they found Dr. Tasty in a state of suspended animation in a big rock. It was definitely not from space. He just chose that rock as his place to chill out and rest in suspended animation from time to time. He was compelled (he decided to) join the team. An ancient prophecy of doom foretold this.
It was their constant explosions that drew the attentions of many other heroes, including Musty Taint, the least mentionable member of the team. Years later, however, Harbjar uncovered inconsistencies in Consortium's records and extracted admissions from his colleagues that the original founders had actually formed the Consortium after Dr. Tasty was rescued from the terrible secret of space by the other founders, along with several other heroes and non-Awesomes who are not worth remembering. Bob Sequious!, for example, participated in this adventure thirty-some years before he ever met the team, and as his alter-ego with no powers, since he is merely a protocol droid (the biggest inconsistency Harbjar found, as they celebrated the earlier incident's date, while recounting only the later one's events). When the group formalized their agreement, they suppressed news of it because of anti-robot hysteria (mirroring the real-world backdrop of robot scares and hysteria during the Robot War for the Future). Because the Consortium members had not revealed their identities to each other at the time, they did not realize that pancakes. Most subsequent accounts of the Revengerists Consortium (of Stuff) have made little to no mention of this first adventure.
1980's/1880'sEditThe adventures increased in scope as the team cross into alternate dimensions with increasingly alarmingly regularity, and just about every adventure in time and space becomes an all-out War. Things in the 1980's get grittier, bloodier, gorier, swankier, and darker (except for all the bright neon appointments).
As a result of the events of the War of the Galacter, ffemale members such as Misstress Hammeates were finally allowed membership. This is out of due respect to the Mammoth Princess of Space, who, even though she has her own Galatic Warrior Kingdom, is has and always will remain a honorary Revengerist. This is where they also met the Space Knight, whom has helped them defeat many space evils, including the great space evil which caused a schism throughout the universe and caused another Secret War of Mysteries.
It is hard to say when all this actually occured, as the team was actually traveling to the 1880's at the time(?) to do battle in Commodore Bob's war-dirigible from the future. Further complicating things, around this time there was a writer's strike, following the Great Comics Purge of 1980, in which Frank Zappa and Axel Foley were unable to prevent censorship and burnings by parents and right-wing religious zealouts with all the power. This caused a timequake in the Omniverse, which rippled through every Awesome in existence, completely rewriting many backstories and destroying some outright, or worse yet, reverting them to an unnatural 'Norm' state. The main Revengerists that we know and love today were safely kept as copies of themselves trapped in 1880-1884, preventing the election of Winfield Scott Hancock. Several characters are cut from the Roster with no explanation including Jugglor, Judith "Judy" Winslow, and The Mexican Scientist (who would return years later as a clone with no memory -ed.) while some new faces are added such as Fagot Cougar and The Mammoth Mountain Fucker. In addition, all origins and continuities of the surviving characters were entirely rewritten and retconned int hat order in a series of increasingly ridiculously unbelievable events of the Penultimate Exigency, a tri-annual giant-size crossover flagship banner series, of which all copies have been looted and burned and mana-burned. Stories prior to this are Pre-Exigency, stories after are referred to as Post-Exigency, but only by people who thing they are better than you because they work in comic book stores.
The Magnesium Age* is thought to start somewhere around here, since the Dead Spark erased everyone's memories of everything pre-1979 (1997 in later versions) with a 'fake' or 'state-approved' history put in its place. It is revealed that only Norms are affected, and every Awesome is only secretly pretending to forget for each other's collective benefit. Comedy ensues.
The Revengerists briefly disband after all this to deal with the emotional repercussions. Some end up in rehab, others like Dr. Tasty take long personal journeys of self-reflection. Breshvic, it is revealed, is actually a space alien shapeshifter imposter from space, with the real Breshvic lost and battling his way out of Hel. An imposter Revengerists group is active for a short time, which complies with OSHA and Affirmitive Action laws. They are summarily beaten up by every villain they try to defeat.
Also during this time the greatest villains
and assholes the planet, galaxy, and Omniverse have to offer grow in power and affluence, until eventually they run every government, industry, military, business, religion, institution, and retail establishment. There is an exponential growth in the import/export of international criminal espionage, smuggling, slavery, drug warring, shady doings, and cheating. Evil awesomeness flourishes, in a big way.
1990sEditAfter the cataclysmic nervous breakdown identity crisis of the Lord of Chaos, which resulted in several major cities being destroyed by the forces of Crabopolis, the team is forced to reconstitute itself or else the world will learn every secret.
Breshvic creates a stasis bubble so that the Earth can exist simultaneously as it always has ont he surface, and also in a pocket dimension where these adventures tack place. This is known as the O'Dangerous Times, retroactively named thus due to the death of Irish Cream at the hands of the Crabopolis Queen. It introduces many new elements of Revengerists canon, such as South Side Santa getting powerful enough by eating rings that he can defeat any enemy the story needs him to, (no matter how much said villain was claimed to be "all-powerful" and "undefeatable" or "invincible" prior) by becomeing Sūpā Sainta. Dr. Tasty and Breshvic first learn the "fusion" technique, by which they become Byllan. Bricksplosive also overloads on power and blows up all of Crabopolis so that they have an amazing explosion to slowly and coolly walk away from. Unfortunately, as the city was floating above an actual city, North Haverbrook is destroyed, and the pocket universe has to be unfolded in such a way like a beautiful perfect paper origami crane in order to remove all memory of this once bustling major urban center. Add it to your inventory and type "Use" to use.
Every hero is painfully "re-born" out of their mother's vaginas for absolutely no discernable reason.
In 1994's Revengerfist! #16, during a segment called No Time, an unknown superhuman named Bible Tract appeared. It was revealed that, in a plotline never explored before, Bible Tract was revealed to have been a founding member of the Revengerists, serving as their leader. On his first mission with the fledgling Revengerists, Bible Tract seemingly "saved the world", but was teleported into a dimensional limbo that also affected the timestream, resulting in no one having any memory of him. Yeah, that's the ticket. This was to explain how all the heroes ended up in space for their first meeting. Immediately after crashing into the Compound and revealing this information, Bible Tract dies of an embolism and his body disintegrates so that he is definitely forever dead, never mentioned again.
Further convulsions came with the issue of Dr. Tasty's involvement with the Consortium; during the late 1990s, the editors sought to distance Dr. Tasty from the Revengerists Consortium (of Stuffz0), to the point of demanding that Tasty's entire membership history be removed from the group's canon. According to one writer, this "Tasty was never in the Revengerists" edict came down ironically after they published Revengerists Annual #9, which featured Dr. Tasty as a member of the Consortium during its early days. The edict itself was largely haphazardly enforced; while some writers had Tasty proclaim to have never been a member, other writers took the stance that Tasty had simply never joined the team. This edict was ultimately dropped by the early 2000s, as his involvement is now referenced heavily by later writers.
It is also at this point that the "East Coast Revengerists" and "Junior Revengerists" are formed. But I never read them.
The Revengerists meet back up with their Days of Passed Futures, in which they witness the founding of their team and take some much needed rest as their past selves do all the work that they already did. Some of this takes place in the past, and they document it on the internet of the future for posterity.
At many points the Earth is destroyed, like in the The Battle of the Bad Guys and Good Guys thta Happened, this is because the Revengerists go on vacation from time to time. We also learn at this time that El Cocco is an illusion who may or may not have ever actually existed. He begins to go insane as his alter-ego, the Worst Ninja Ever, and commit crimes that are still pretty Awesome, so nobody stops him. He isn't quite aware of the fact that the results are evil, since in this identity he is trying to good but it bckfires. Commodore Bob is asked to help the Revengerists by building a time machine to save the future. After that crisis is over, the Commodore is officially invited to join the Revengerists, even though he had already been a member for one hundred years.The Revengerists titles were then[volume & issue needed] embroiled in a major crossover event "Venging Some Vengeance" wherein all of the main villains from nearly every other fictional universe (or Omniverse!!!) plot to destroy the team. Half of the Revengerists battle the other half, often through rap battles, and many are made homeless by the machinations of villainous entities and government entities[cyclical reduncy checksum].
The Revengerists consortium has grown so large in the millennia since 1970 that they have had to break into smaller teams located across the planet and galaxy. Teams are coded mostly by color or colour or "color" and have a designated team leader, under whom other Revengerists must obey during field command, even if they themselves are the team leader of a different team, even if both teams are engaged, which can get hella confusing.
- Burnt Umber Team - led by Der Kirche and mostly dealing with the Destruction school of Magic
- Ultraviole(n)t Team - led by Dr Tasty, the only member, he persists on pronouncing Ultraviolet' as Ultraviolent'
- Metal Leaf Team - led by Breshvic who usually delegates to Bob Coffee, as Bresh would rather smoke herb and listen to Sabbath than lead a team (note that he is also designated team leader for the Revengerists overall)
- Vantablack Guard - the special ops tactical strike force of The Revengerists led by El Cocco
- Sepia Team - the Time Corps of the Revengerists mostly run by Commodore Bob, the team has since/will be disbanded having logged millions of successful missions in the past, present and future.
- Red Madras Plaid Team - A team entirely invented by the South Side Santa with no real objectives, specialties, or even acknowledgement by The Revengerists. The team currently consists of Santa, a duck, two sexy co-eds, a mohel, and at least one undercover supervillain. Santa refers to them as the 'Street Team', but it is unclear what he means by this.
- Moon Base Ephram - administered by Coo-El, a base of interns to host intergalactic guests and as a lounge for the Revengerists before and after space missions
- Buntfarbenaufdruck Squadroon - the training squad run by drill-miester Harbjar on off weekends to any who choose to volunteer; so far no takers.
New RevengeristsEditWith the original Revengerists organization disbanded, a mass-escape attempt at the super-villain prison the "Lockbox" led Dr. Tasty and Breshvic to form a new Revengerists team. The previous heroes were sold to other comic book publishing companies and forgotten.
Even whilst the villains wreak havoc with the Revengerists on Earth, (taking advantage of their inability to show themselves in the media by making them look bad in the public eye therefore they cannot defend themselves because nobody knows who they are), the Dark Queen sends her agents, the Dark Corps, who are the zombified remains of former heroes and villains, to take them all to a parallel dimension to fight a space battle and destroy all heroism in the Omniverse, fulfilling her Ancient Prophecy, (which just happens to take place at this coincidental period in the history of the entirety of time). Some of the New Revengerists then have to simultaneously fight Dark Revengerists imposters of themselves as well as the undead Pre-Exigency versions of themselves.
Further confusing things are other-dimensional and color-coded teams of Corps just like them, many of whom are undead cyborgs, who are all stupid. Various artifacts of jewelry and power are implemented by all sides, which is like an acid trip on acid.
Luckily, the Revengerists had befriended the Lycan King of the Werewolves Claw Clan back during the Howling story arc, and this final army force tipped the balance in their favour. Breshvic time-travels himself and the others two seconds into the future to trick errbody and fix things, where Dr. Tasty emerges anew from a blood coccoon of their greatest enemies. They discover many of the zombies to be fake, and Queen of the Dark was just ole man Grumper all along.
Regarded by many as the ultimate controversial story in the entire Revengerists Omniverse, its stories spanned many many many issues and so much shit was retconned in the universe it caused half the actually-ass world to explode. This explosion was also retconned into a much more digestible history where the world did not explode.
A short-lived team of superheroes in the 1920s called themselves the "Revengerists". Consisting of Dust Bowl Boy, Venus, Racism-Face, the Booze-Runner, Pork Barrel, Huey P. Long, Cat's Meow, the Suffragette and Bee's Knees, the team was unrelated in any way to the modern Revengerists other than all memory of them is erased by the time-manipulators. They would have broken up anyhow, as there was too much team strife between their varying idealogies being pro-booze, anti-booze, pro-racism, anti-racism, pro-women, anti-women, rich fat cat and destitute dust bowl refugee.
Teen Revengerists or Young Revengerists or Junior RevengeristsEdit
In the alternate future timeline, the Revengerists have disbanded and the Revengerists Compound is now a museum. An emergency forces Bob Sequious! to sound an alert, and a new generation of heroes form a new team of Revengerists. Most of them are spoiled children and teenagers who can't do jack-shit but complain about how adults have ruined the world, and are so awkward and indecisive that they can't even commit to the same team name. Also, I don't understand their music!
Revengerists East CoastEdit
When the Revengerists Consortium became too unweildly for one base and one side of the country and planet to behold, lest the secrets of their Awesome acts be made public, they allowed their understudies, (really just the guys who beat up fanboys and wannabe posers, who had risen in Awesome stature by proximity and training by Awesomes) to form a team on the East Coast** of Spain (one of the more Awesome places on planet Earth). Hence they watch over every time zone on the planet and in space moving West to East, and the Revengerists Prime everything from East to West. If the East Coast Revengerists are traveling 1,600 m.p.h. and leave at 2:02 a.m., and the Revengerists Prime are traveling 2,999 m.p.h. and leave at 6:00 p.m. the following morning, when will they meet? This question is never resolved in canon***.
The Revengerists once were zombies in a parallel diemsion where they were brought back by jewelry and lighting appliance clad galactic policemen to fight against other different coloured galactic policemen but they started eating both sides insted. This didn't make since for multeple reasons. One) 90% Awesomes cannot be turned into zombies, Two) Zombies aren't smart to talk and scheme and use powers and such and C) they could never make a dimensional portal machine. One could agrue (and many have) that being Awesome kept them from becomeing dumb zombies but hey then why woud they sudenly want to be evil and consume flesh? Yes I understand that is a zombie desire but if they are Awesome enough to overcome other zombie atributes then then they obviously would be able to cure it. It even didn't make since of itself sense the wormhole opened up and zombie Revengerists were fighting zombie Revengerists and it wasnt explaned that it was over food or something.
There are many different scenarios in which the Revengerits do unbeleivably uncharacteristic things in a stupid series called FUTURE TALES.
Spring Break RevengeristsEdit
In various nerd magazines during spring break there would be short issues of Revengerists comics where our awesomes would go to various places to take a good spring break, crush some fucking pussy, and marry a man†.
These stories are unknown, why the fuck would there be any information on this shit?
- Their moto is "If we can't save you, you're fucked."
- The Revengerists participated in the 1999 Summer Olympics and placed 1st in several events including: Jog, fist punching, and the dog.
- Breshvic Penicillin founded the group, his inspiration for the name came to him when he was ordering a pepperoni pizza from an Italian eatery and they put onions on it.
- Dr. Tasty has left the group approximately 1278 times to pursue a career in Extreme Arm Wrestling Fighting.
- The Revengerists have NEVER saved the President, not even once.
- When the world was threatened by Magento's Magenta Storm attack, Odd Jog was thought to have described the situation as "Fucking Gay"
- all their wishes always come true because they have a genie who looks like Shaquille O'Neal who grants all their wishes and they don't care if the results are ironic or subversive.
- They own the 1st Edition release of "It's Not Jackie Chan" the trivia game
- Every year on August 5th they consume 11 gallons of ice cream to celebrate the birth of Ice Cream Man.
- Gun Man joined the group for a very brief period of time
- When Batman had Chicken Pox he asked them if he could borrow a high definition television because he didn't have anything to do.
In other mediaEdit
Main article: Revengerists in other media
*So-named due to the limited-edition Magnesium-foiled anniversary covers which were dipped in this alkaline Earth metal so that the issues could not even be opened. Other issues were also produced, including the toxic Mercury-infused issues, bloodstained by printing mishap issues, the FREE Gaurdian Angel hovering above each issue, list of all Witness Protection Members locations issues, and invisible/intangible extra-expensive issues. Though readers were encouraged to collect all of them, the Era following was somehow only named after Magnesium‡.
**There was also an East Coast/West Coast Rivalry and feud that lasted through most of the 1990's and resulted in the permanent and temporary deaths of several main characters.
***This question is also never asked in canon. According to mathemagicians the correct answer is the East Coast Revengerists will arrive in about ten hours, or around six hours before the Revengerists Prime even disembark, which is plenty of time for a few drinks and steakburgers.
†What!? It's crazy, man.
‡Magnesium, being readily available and relatively nontoxic, has a variety of uses:
- Magnesium is flammable, burning at a temperature of approximately 3,100 °C (3,370 K; 5,610 °F), and the autoignition temperature of magnesium ribbon is approximately 473 °C(746 K; 883 °F). It produces intense, bright, white light when it burns. Magnesium's high combustion temperature makes it a useful tool for starting emergency fires. Other uses include flash photography, flares, pyrotechnics and fireworks sparklers. Magnesium is also often used to ignite thermite, or other materials that require a high ignition temperature.
- Magnesium firestarter§ used with a pocket knife and flint to create sparks that ignite the shavings
- In the form of turnings or ribbons, to prepare Grignard reagents, which are useful in organic synthesis.
- As an additive agent in conventional propellants and the production of nodular graphite in cast iron.
- As a reducing agent for the production of uranium and other metals from their salts.
- As a sacrificial (galvanic) anode to protect underground tanks, pipelines, buried structures, and water heaters.
- Alloyed with zinc to produce the zinc sheet used in photoengraving plates in the printing industry, dry-cell battery walls, and roofing.
- As a metal, this element's principal use is as an alloying additive to aluminium with these aluminium-magnesium alloys being used mainly for beverage cans.
§ Not to be confused with Drew Barrymore.
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