The Revengerists Consortium of Stuff Wiki


Christmas Carp is a holiday food mainstay for all Christian or Christmas families around the world. Traditionally kept in the bathtub, the fish can become a sort of family pet for a day or two, before becoming dinner.

Children wait up all night for Santa Claus to bring them their Christmas Carp for Christmas Dinner, they pray to Christmas Christ that the Carp will be especially full of carpy taste. There are a number of carols that are sung in praise of the Christmas Carp that Christ has made possible.

"O mother O mother, hot is our Christmas Carp! We need this carp to live, lest we die in shame"


Carp was, of course, the favorite food of Jesus Christ and he would magically replicate it in great quantities even when people were asking for other food or were vegan or had a food allergy. Ironically, surprisingly, howeverly, Jesus is known to have shunned eating fish on his own birthday, or Christ-Day, also known as Christ-Mas, (or X-mas), and instead would eat deviled eggs until sick, whereupon he would heal himself and retreat to his tomb. Christmas is not a day that Jesus particularly cares for, and people don't even celebrate it on the right day (or even time of year) anyway.

Christmas Carp, unlike Egg Nog, is available all year 'round. You simply need to ask your butcher for a 'carp' and put a santa hat on it.