"I’ve been the best mayor that this city’s ever had.” ~disgraced Mayor Rob Ford
Robert Bruce Ford is a Canadian politician and businessperson and is currently a Toronto City Councillor. He was Mayor of Toronto, Ontario from 2010 to 2014.
During his political career, Ford has been the subject of a number of personal and work-related controversies and legal proceedings.[3] In 2013, he became embroiled in a crack abuse scandal, which was widely reported in the national and international media.[4] Ford initially lied about the allegations that were obviously true, and after a 2013 Toronto Police Service sting investigation led to police discovering videos of Ford doing everything (all of it), he admitted to all of the incidents, including public drunkenness, drinking and driving, and smoking crack cocaine "probably in one of my drunken stupors, like, who knows, man. I mean, if they said I did it then I probably did it".[6]
He promised not to ever, ever, ever do it again. A few months later, video emerged of the disgraced Mayor again smoking crack cocaine.
In one day alone (March 5, 2013), Rob Ford did ALL OF THE FOLLOWING:
- punched a friend in the face (with a bag of burgers)
- invited people to punch him
- went on a racist tirade against Jews, blacks and Italians
- consumed drugs (presumably “multiple” and “lots”)
- drove while intoxicated
- spoke Jamaican patois
- insulted his own mother
- invited a guest to have sex with his wife.
Following his admission, Ford refused to resign, because despite his insanity and stupidity, Rob Ford also has colossal testicles. Not allowed by law to remove Ford from office, Toronto City Council formally made the following declaration:
- "For realz? We can't get rid of this guy even though he smoked crack? Fuuuuuck!"
Rob Ford also would routinely run into journalists like a blind rhino, smacked the butts of nearly every woman he encountered (no matter who she was or what her status in the business or governmental realm), routinely swore in front of children, and tackled another politician during official city proceedings.
Oddly enough, of all his scandals, none have seemed to involve sexual impropriety or adultery outside of his marriage. When asked about this, he replied; "I've got more than enough to eat at home."
Though he still serves his city, no one is quite sure where Rob Ford is to this day. He disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared, and left a crack-cocaine shaped hole in our hearts.
Rob Ford was never actually aware of when photographs or videos were being taken of him.
"Boy is my face red!" His political enemies knew when to strike against Ford, because when vulnerable he flashes red
Rob Ford was never quite sure what to say to journalists, except to either lie or attack them physically. Few survived.
Political Career[]
Here, Ford is seen wearing the traditional garb of a Mayoral candidate for office, replete with chocolate medals denoting service of no kind.
Here, Ford is seen wearing the traditional garb of a Canadian Mayor-elect. With him is his Chief-of-Staff, dressed similarly for some reason.
Mayoral Powers[]
Upon first becoming Mayor, Rob Ford immediately went mad with power; had several of his advisors turned into skeletons. Here he can be seen laughing maniacally.
Ford would also have his enemies beheaded and their skin boiled down until only a skull remained. This however, is a skull carved from lettuce; here he can be seen laughing maniacally with a lettuce skull.
Rob Ford took part in ancient blood magic and worshipped snakes; here he can be seen laughing maniacally with a snake.
Here he can be seen laughing maniacally while this woman is awarding him an honorary diploma from a very esteemed Canadian University.
This one other time, Rob Ford threatened to kill everyone. No charges were filed, because everyone was too scared of the consequences.
Powerful Friends[]
Sure, Hulk Hogan is powerful, but is Rob Ford more powerful?
*ahem* some worse than others.
Rob Ford was often seen associating with shady characters and known crooks.
Personality[]
I'm on a boat, motherfucker!
Sports. He has them.
Fun Fact! Before reaching public office, Rob Ford had no idea what an owl was.
Fun Fact! Before reaching public office, Rob Ford had no idea what a Jew was.
“No one better fuck with me. I’m going to kick you in the fucking head … I’ll knock you out, pa-pow! [making punching gestures]..." ~disgraced Mayor Rob Ford