@#$%ing bat stole my fruit
Bats are filthy sky rats that want to either steal your blood or your household fruit. They have leathery wings and range from small rodent-sized to average fox-sized and screech incessantly in order to see.
Bats primarily eat fruit, blood, and insects. If you ever encounter a bat, you must consider certain possibilities (or Bat-Facts):
- They may be attempting to feed their gnawing hunger, subsisting of one or more of the aforementioned types;
- They are hunting insects, in which case they are helpful avatars of the food web and the balance of nature, way to go bats!
- They are attempting to steal your fruit, as I've witnessed many times, tiny or large bats caught wing-handed, guiltily clutching a papaya or miracleberry
- They want your blood. Try to hide your blood from them. After securing your blood, assist in the hiding of blood of your loved ones next to you.
- They may be carriers of disease:
- They could get caught in your hair, which really sucks for all parties involved
- They don't even see you, they just screech at you and then know you are there, which is a spotty system, frankly
- They will become distracted if you toss something up in the air and let it fall to the ground
- They always turn left when exiting a cave
- They have hundreds if not thousands of kin nearby in gigantic swarms that travel vast distances and even high into the atmosphere along wind currents
- They might vomit on you as a defense. Bloody rabid vampire vomit.
- They may get you caught up in their bloody Bat-Crocodile War, which you should avoid at all costs
Stay away from them. They're not all bad, but they are none of your buisiness. They have better things to do, and hopefully so do you (we hope).
