Jesus Crispity Christ "That's what you GET for acting DEMICKY, Virginia" - During the great Sayian Saga
Hailing from the beloved Dragon Ball universe, Goku is a Sandlesbian prince from the planet Virginia who was sent as a sleeper agent to earth so that he could conquer the planet with his immense power after awakening.
As it stands, Goku is the most powerful character in the universe and can totally beat Superman in a fair 1v1 fight.
Goku possesses the ability to transform into a real supersand and act demicky, easily defeating foes currently giving him any trouble after an immense powerup. This was a major plot device used throughout the majority of Dragon Ball Z, but then midway through it was decided to completely stupidify it and now everyone who half or greater Sandwich can become one and power up to Suppersadsan 3.
- 1 Power Creep
- 2 Gogoo Guy
- 3 Biography
- 4 I mean Dragonball Z
- 5 You though it was over...I mean Dragonball GT
- 6 Powers and Abilities
"Defeating a sandwich only makes it tastier" - Virginia
Over the course of his life as an anime, Goku has gone through numerous transformations and jumps in power. As a child he was more than a match for average human opponents, the more skillful martial artists like Tien, Pickle, Chowmein, Tenshin, and Garbage could match him. After that he developed the ability to shoot ki blasts at a great cost of endurance. After that he could be super speed, then blast ki blasts with less endurance penalties.
In DragonBallZ he learned how to fly and use his mind to lift objects. Eventually he could power up to great heights and drastically increase his power up to 5 times, he used this technique to defeat Virginia, who was not actually defeat but almost!
Then when he faced Freezypop he could go Supersand, making him the most powerful person in teh universe until more powerful guys showed up from somwehere. His son surpassed him in power, but shortly afterward he could go Supersandlesbian 2 and 3.
After using a very old and outdated technique to destroy a bubblegum monster that could destroy galaxies in 2 seconds, he was turned into a child that was somehow way more powerful than anyone ever, until a robot guy showed up and killed him or something. He discovered a way to go Super Sane 4 and even fuse with another Guy that could do that too, making him stronger than the evil manifestation of a wish granting dragon, Omega Chevron.
Kakakakabbage was just another Saiyanan guy on the Planet Virginia, BUT ONE DAY they decided to send him to earth to annihilate the crispy-on-the-outside-gooey-on-the-inside inhabitants so they could put it on sale at Great Saiyan's Milkyway Planet Deals, a fairly shady business. Fortunately for the little shit, he just barely left before his dad impotently flailed at Freezypop and the cold lizard guy blew up the planet with fairly little effort.
After crashing on the goddamn planet earth, baby gogoo was found in the woods by an old man named Goham who took him in as an adopted grandson (instead of son, because adopting a grandson makes way more sense than calling this baby you "found" a son) and did not question the existence of a baby with a full head of shitty hair and a tail who managed to survive smashing into the ground from space in a weird spaceship egg thing. He was given the earthling name Goku...Gogo...Globule...Roku..Roomba...or something, I don't fucking know. Anyway it was a name that was totally earth-like 100 percent. At first, Gobo was extermely violent and ill-tempered for a stupid, dumb baby and never obeyed his adopted Grandfather. One day the little shit "fell" down a "deep ravine" and "hit his head" "by accident," suffering severe head trauma that sent him into a completely unintentional coma and nearly killed him, the dickless turd child. After miraculously waking up, he had lost all of his genetic Saiyan aggression, becoming a kind and mild-mannered and well-adjusted boy. At this point Grandpa Gohan decided it was a good time to teach him martial arts and educated him about civilization, because they lived in a very remote place in Mt Pizza or something, with no communication with other people...further explaining all of the decisions made thus far.
One Grandpa Goban figured out that Goku could turn into a giant death-dealing wereape by looking at a full moon somehow and told Goku not to look at a full moon. This never works so one day Goku looked at a full moon, turned into a Great Ape, and "unknowingly" killed his Grandpa. After this he stayed at home and continued carrying out his life surviving in the lonely mountains, he developed the impression his birth parents abandoned him in the mountains as a baby, leaving him for Grandpa Gohan to discover, which is actually what happened so it's technically not an impression. .
Dragon Ball - The Quest for the Dragon's Balls
Goku is introduced in the Dragon Ball manga and anime as a developmentally challenged child - who says he's 14 years old, but is a dumbass and is actually 11 or 12 - living in obscurity on Mount Pez Dispenser. Goku has something he calls the "Power Pole" and the four-star Dragon Ball, which he "inherited" from his "grandfather" and didn't kill him on purpose to steal at all.
One day, after doing his daily chores, Goku is hit by a car while on the way home after catching a Giant Fish. He's never seen a car before - even though his grandfather told him about them and showed him pictures - and thought it was a monster attackign him. When the driver shoots Goku with a gun, you know because that's what you do when you run someone over and it doesn't kill them, she becomes frightened, surrenders, and introduces herself as a girl named Bulma, another completely normal name that people have. Goku's next action is to state he's never seen a girl before and that the only human he's ever seen in his life is his deceased grandfather whom he did not murder on purpose. He then takes Bulma to his house, where she ends up discovering his four star Dragon Ball and isn't marked as a sex offender. However, Gokue does not want Bulma touching it since it is precious to him and that would also be gross since he's an "innocent" child unfamiliar with people touching his balls, so Bulma decides to let Goku to join her on a quest to collect all seven Dragon Balls to summon the Dragon, which is also the next sensible course of action. She does not reveal to him that the Dragon Balls would be scattered across the Earth once they succeed. Later that night, while camping in Bulma's capsule house thing, Goku decides to molest her and is surpsied when he sees her lack of a penis. In the morning he meets Turtle, whome he decides to take back to the ocean, forcing Bulma to come along. They defeat a Bear Thief who wants to eat Turtle and meets his future Master, Master Roachey. The guy gives him a flying cloud which is only rideable by the pure of heart, which Goku totally is because he isn't a murderer or sexual offender. Bulma gets the three star Dragon Ball after she flashes Roshi her vagina, because a peep at tail you're not going to get is worth 1/7th of a thing that can grant any wish. Rest of the shit that doesn't matter Anyway, the rest of this entire series is dumb and doesn't matter because it is dwarfed in comparison to what happens afterward, but here's a summary: Goku fights a bunch of other dumbasses with weird names that don't make any sense, some of them aren't even human. He meets a little bear and a bandit named Yamcha and finds more dragonballs. He learns how to do his patented Kamehameha, aptly named after the King of Hawaii for some reason, after watching Master Roshi does it when he is attempting to put out a fire on a mountain town or castle or something. Everything anyone does makes all of the sense in this series, especially performing a devastatingly destructive energy blast to put out a fire. He does this and it destroys the mountain, as was not intended. Goku is a young child and is in a state where he can easily learn things, so to Roshi's surprise, he's able to duplicate the technique and, in good form, destroys his group's only vehicle. Using his logic and common sense, Roshi invites Goku to train with him, because training a powerful ape-child with destructive tendencies is a great idea. At one point Goku and friends are captures by a guy named Pilaf or something and turns into a wereape during another full moon, he destroys the place, but his friends manage to cut his tail off which is somehow his weakness and reverts him back to human form. This is when they start to speculate that GOku is not human. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. After this Goku goes off to train with Roshi for a time. Fuck, there is a lot of dumb bullshit in Goku's childhood. He meets a bunch of other dumb people like Krillin and Piccolo and Tien and Chiozu and fights in a bunch of long, drawn out tournaments, getting more powerful each time he fights. Eventually he fights King Piccolo who turns out to be a demon or something and also gets his tail back for some reason. Teen Years Continuing the tradition of boring fighting tournaments where each opponent and viewer spends lengthy amounts of time explaining every aspect of the match in meticulous detail, kind of like a hyper retarded version of The Super Friends, Goku returns to the ring to punch, kick, and energy blast his way to victory. We find no one has changed and Goku defeats everyone, he even proposes to a woman he kicks in the face, named Chi Chi.
Piccolo Jr shows up and they have a big battle where Piccolo Jr turns really big and Goku does some things and suddenly we're all happy and alive and stuff and everyone can kind of fly and it's all over...finally.
This is where things get real demicky.
I mean Dragonball Z
Goku has somehow managed to survive married life to an fiery tempered Chi Chi until the age of 23, the age no one likes you, without accidentally killing her or committing any other acts of abuse or sexual offense. They even had a son named Gohan, named after his adoptive grandfather Gohan, who is four years old. Somehow his son manages to fall down a waterfall, but Goku "saves" him and brings him to Kame House to introduce him to Bulma, Master Roshi, and Krillin. A powerful being from outer space named Raditz arrives. He's Googo's older brother, who knew?
Raditz tells GOku of his Saiyan heritage and plans for him that he was supposed to destroy the earth's inhabitants. Somehow he thinks ordering Goku after his 23 years on the planet will cause him to return to "form." Turns out this guy is more powerful and can easily dispatch earth's greatest fighter in a fraction of a second, quickly dismissing years worth of comics and cartoons and conversations about fighting techniques. He kidnaps Goku's son and tells him to get killing "OR ELSE!"
Instead of accepting help from the other two greatest martial artists in the world, he teams up with his mortal enemy Piccolo, who definitely didn't plan on getting to a situation where he can kill Goku. Anyway, seeing as this new enemy outclasses them in every way, after their opponent is weakened by a toddler with no training what-so-ever, they form a strategy where Goku holds Raditz so Piccolo can fire a powerful energy blast through both of them at the same time, killing them both. With the plan successsful, Raditz gloats in his dying breath that two even more powerful fighters who completely eclipse him will be arriving in a year.
At this point a precedence is set where each new threat is vastly more powerful than the last. This continues on until the author decides to stop fucking writing this shit.
Nappa and Virgina
This isn't the end for our hero, in Dragonball Z Goku becomes a literal Christ figure and dies for everyone a billion times. When the warriors are dead they go to this weird afterlife thing.
Goku is allowed to go to King Kai's planet to train in order to defeat the saiyans...what? He's fucking dead, I guess I saw this coming since Goku is a literal fucking Christ figure throughout the series. Oh, and the dragonballs, which have weird and everchanging rules about how they're used and who they can be used on and what wishes can be granted ad nauseum.
After running along a giant snake and doing some really dumb challenges, Goku learns new techniques, most of which he never uses save for 1, and is summoned back to life by his friends using the dragons balls. Speaking of them, they all show up to this saiyan battle with newfound power, making their former selves look pathetic. It doesn't matter and they all get their asses kicked by the lesser Saiyan, Naptime, or these weird plant-things called Saiba men. After everyone, except Krillin and Gohan, gets killed, Goku shows up and easily dispatches Napkin with his Kalecan technique.
Goku then battles Vegita, who kicks his ass, but Goku uses the Karateken times a billion technique and defeats Virginia, but doesn't actually defeat him, because he keeps getting back up. Virginia uses a power ball to replace the moon, which has been destroyed twice now, did I mention the moon has been destroyed in order to prevent Goku and Gohan from turning into Wereapes? Yeah, and it's unclear as to whether or not it is adversely affecting the planet. He turns into a great ape, but after some swords, spirit bums, and Krillin and Gohan being actually useful for once, they overpower Vegetable. He's still not dead, but because Goku is obsessed with worthy opponents and wants a rematch with him some day he is spared. So Virginia leaves on his spaceship and the earth is spared.
Beyond logic and reasoning, everyone wants to find the dragonballs and wish the guys who got killed back to life, despite the fact that they got their asses kicked and should just remain in the dirt their worthless bodies are buried in. However, Bulimia concludes that they need to go to a planet called Namek, so that's what they decide to do. Instead of waiting for Goku to recover they go on ahead, because it isn't like an army of fighters miles ahead of Vegeta in terms of skill and power are already there looking for the same thing.
Goku is then healed after a bit and heads off in a space ship with a gravity enhancer, which breaks and surprisingly does not crush Goku's worthless meat casing with its gravity set to 100 times that of earth's. Goku trains in this enhanced gravity, somehow. This causes him to become exponentially more powerful than he's ever been and basically pulls the same shit he did when he beat Naples. He arrives to find Krillin and Gohan outmatched, Vegeta fighting on their side, and new and dumber opponents. After spending the entire time fucking around with Raccoon, Juice, Butler, and Captain Ginyu, he defeats them all except for Ginyu who has a body switch technique and Vegeta beat him up and a lot of things happened, but it's all fucked.
After Goku heals, he again finds his friends in trouble, but this time by the one and only Frieza, who King Kai claims is the most powerful being in the universe despite other random dudes who are vastly more powerful showing up later on in the series. A ressurected Pickle is no match for him so he's barely alive. Vegeta has been using the "get beat up a lot and get stronger from it" technique and has a fight with Freezerpop, but is killed. Goku faux kills him, but he's still alive and kills Krillin, who dies again. This causes Goku to finally go super sayan after like 10 hours of yelling and powering up, then beats up Freezy and leaves him alive or some shit, I don't know. This is overly complicated. With some other fuckery, the friends wish everyone back to Earth except for Goku, who stays on some new planet to learn a teleporting technique.
So we come to the conclusion of the Frieza Saga, which most definitely is the defeat of the most powerful being in the universe and not just another dude who can be disintegrated by outer-dimensional beings.
Meanwhile on Eart, Vagina tells them he is most strong and will be the strong, but they train and fight and it isn't that. A guy named Trunk shows up and says he is from a future where everyone died. He waits for Goku, who everyone else didn't know was dead. Frieza comes to earth with his dad and they hav ea fight with the Trunks, who kilsl them with ease.
Goku comes around and they have a fight, but it turns out that Trunks is also super siand. He says Golku" Take the medicine for your heart attack." It turns out that there will be powerful robots that attack and kill, so they need to be prepared for it. Trunks leaves but will come back
Meanwhile, on earth. Everyone trains and prepares for the robots, Vegete goes away for train but everyone else stays. Then some robots attack the planet! They are unable to detect by the warriors, so of course Yamcha gets killed by Dr Gero. Goku has a battle with tehrobots, but has a heart attack and did not take his meds. Vegeta shows up and turns super saiyn and kills the fat robot but the Dr Robot gets away and unlocks the Androids 17 and 18, who kill Gero and awaken 16, who is supposed to be able to kill Goku.
17 and 18 easily beat up everyone even Trunks and Vegirna and go on a killing spree on earth. Uh oh, a mysterious pod is found and everyone is scared. Turns out it's another android by the name of Cell, named because he has cells of all the z fighters!
Piccolo fuses with a Kame guy and becomes a super namek or something, then fights Imperfect Cell, who he almost defeats but Cell decides to run away. Then Piccolo fights Anrdoi 17,b ut then Cell shows up! and fights piccolo and beats him. THen andoid 15 shows upa nd fights cell and almost beats him but cell absorbs 17, becomeing SEMI PERFECT CELL.
This is not good, but Tien comes around and TRIBEAM HA!'s Cell so 18 can get away. Meanwhile, Goku and Gohan and Vegeta and Trunks have been training in the Hyperbole time chamber and are much stronger now! Vegeba goes and fights Cell and nearly kills him but lets Cell absorb 18 to get strong so Vegetal has chanleng. But it is not a challenge, but a bad! Cell beats Veghea and Trunks powers up more powerful than Vetebal, but is not defeat Cell.
Cell is like, "let's have tournament" and leave.s
During the tournament, Goku fights him first and they fight a good fight and Goku blasts him hard, but Cell regenerates and Goku claims defeat. He gives Cell a senzu bean and let's Gohan fight him. Gohan is easily beaten, but when cell attacks his friends and kills 16, GOhan turns into an ascended Saiyan or a Super Saiyan 2. He easily defeats Cell making him puke up the androids, but Cell goes to blow up, but Goku takes him away and in the explode he absorbs Goku again. He is super perfect cell and he and gohan hav eanother battle which is hard for Gohan. They kamehameha wave each other for like 30 minutes, but Gohan gets the upper hand and destroys cell for good.
FUck I have no idea
You though it was over...I mean Dragonball GT
Powers and Abilities
Powers due to Martial Arts Training
Since childhood, Goku was trained in martial arts. He knows a variety of styles.
Ki Manipulation - intense training has allowed Goku to control the ki energy in his body, allowing him to project energy blasts, increase his strength, fly, and all sorts of weird shit
Training - This is an ability in of itself for him, as he is aware of every method to increase his strength and even invent new ones when he surpasses the capacity of his surroundings.
Powers due to Saiyan Physiology
Great Ape Transformation -
Super Saiyan Transformation -