Illuminati

"Illuminati who? Illuminati nation." ~Mykki Blanco

THE ILLUMINATI, also known as the Iliminiti and Illuminati Nation, is an ancient evil organization that is currently in charge of all the other ancient evil organizations on the planet. Every single thing that happens, including my typing and your reading this, is done because the Illuminati makes it happen. They mostly administer the Shadow Government you've heard so much about. They want to bring about a New World Order, which sounds like an 80s newwave band but is actually a massive one world government, which will either end up good like the Federation in Star Trek, or bad like in 1984 -- you decide!

They are a magickal group sworn to protect mankind from external threats such as lizardmen, astral powers, aliens, and socialist ideas, in order that they themselves may then enslave them.

One does not simply 'join' Illuminati, as one 'does' or just 'is' Illuminati.

Groups proven to be Illuminati[edit | edit source]

Bildeberg Group

The Rand Corporation

CIA
KGB
LOL
Masons

Grand Old Opry

The Republican Party

Mossad

Skull and Crossbones

Fox News

The Guild of Calamitous Intent
Wall Street
The Order of the Collective Beard
FBI *with the exception of Fox Mulder
The Trilateral Commission
Nazi Germany
The House of Lords
NPR
United Arab Emrites
all branches of government including NASA and USPS
Mexican Drug Cartels (though some are actually Reptilian slavers)
Fake Aliens

It should be noted that nobody knows what the fuck is up with N. Korea.

Individuals proven to be Illuminati[edit | edit source]

Mr. Bad Society Man
Nikolai Tesla - from the Goddamned future, Time Lord
Alan Thicke
Beyonce (especially when she conquered the Super Bowl)
Bill Gates
Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart)
Maurice Sendak
Allen Ginsberg
Leonard Nimoy - (but was secretly a double agent getting information to the public from the inside, shit, I hope I didn't just blow up his spot addendum. R.I.P. comrade Leonard)