Congratulations to Jim Vivas, Viking God on his marriage to his lovely Valkyrie bride Karen! Consider this fine page a tribute to your many future battles and conquests together! Additionally, the Revengerists shall each drink the Roordahuizum drinking horn full of thick Mead in your honour!
Jim Vivas, Viking God of teh Roxors was said to have been born long ago under a double-helix black moon on the mythical Long Island (a U.S. Protectorate) village of Ronkonkoma, located somewhere in an antedeluvian sea, one thousand miles beneath the surface of the earth. Not so much "born" as "erupted" fully formed and armed, from the bowels of the mighty volcano "Panterror," Jim Vivas emitted a mighty roar upon his creation, but some say his roar was more like a yawn… a yawn of ULTRADOOM. The natives on the island, known as "Ronkonkadanites," were terrified of this yawn and immeadietly bowed to Jim Vivas as their god, a lone heavy metal demi-god in the mostly indiepunkemoska natural habitat of Ronkonkadamadong. The Ronchonchadadomites tried to win the cruel god's favor by delivering to him gifts of chicken wings, deli-style sandwiches, goats, iced tea mixed with lemonade, virgins, beer, the vanilla-chocolate swirl puddin' pops, human sacrifice, rice krispee treats, and unopened Megadeth compact discs as tribute. Alas Jim Vivas was an eternally savage angry-type god who would yell at you for putting your drink on the table without a coaster, and as such he smote'd the Ronkonkadantialites. He roasted the natives alive who used to worship him in the Ronkonakonakomakoma volcano,a ritual human sacrifice that those Norse Gods love. Thus he went to Asgard to seek entry.. but was chinned by Heimdall.
To prove his worthy, he tames and rides Fenris (beating him with his own doomsday-ribbon) through the many levels of Hel, where he must pitch battle against the black God Chernobog (whyz it gotz to be black God Chernobog alla sudden?). Jim Vivas arrived in Chrenobog's presence riding in a golden sleigh driven by eight tiny unicorn-bears that had lava for blood. Chernobog's reaction was too slow for the mighty Jim Vivas, and Chrenobog was vanquished instantly by Jim Vivas's flaming X-box 360 controllers of madness. Before the death of Chernobog's disembodied head, Chrenobog cursed Jim Vivas to become mortal every thousand years. Jim Vivas of course scoffed at this curse and cleaved Chernobog's head into bite-sized nuggets with a reciprocating saw forged out of wolves' teeth, a design so terrifying, you would shit yer knickers just seeing a pictures of it. He then fired a cauldron and filed it with blood of fourty baby seal virgins, did some incantation and a lil jig, and took Chernoborg's bones and knitted them in
to a basket with sinew, and then breaded and deep-fried the nuggets of Chernobog's head and ate them upon their cooling on a nearby paper towel. He used KC Masterpiece barbeque sauce (it was on sale… buy 1 get 1 free!) with a hint of Frank's Redhot for the dippin'
He loves his kitties.
summons wolves (his mainstay), and also grizzly bears, giant wolves, fox friends, badger armies, bald eagles and hawks, Nessies (when in water), bats, Unicorn that have rainbow lava blood, gryffons if in olden times and dragons (which he always kills when summon is rolled).
is immune to werewolve.
uses swords, guns, lightning, blacksmithing tools, airsoft guns and headlocks.
he fights many adventurbattles and even killed the Gnome King *harder than it sounds.
he has a pretty baddass toilet seat.
He never loses in the end and this is why he is the most powerful character in the Revengerist Omniverse. Jim Vivas' family line is described in detail in the Prose Edda. In the unlikely event of his death, he will become Jim Mortas. It would not just be a death... but a Megadeth.
THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT JIM VIVAS HAS DECIDED TO BE AWESOME, HE IS THE ARBITER OF AWESOME THINGS SO THERE IS NO ARGUMENT ON THIS SOME PEOPLE SAY HE IS THE BEGINNING OF ALL THINGS AWESOME BUT WELL I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL THATEdit
football magical techno-wizards with laser swords the undead pastrami time travel jetpacks Mexican wrestlers The Dude wolves grizzly bears ceilings spaceships spinning razor discs planets in alignments the dark car chases shootouts raw meat crushing things being blackout drunk Batman spies metal guitar chariot racing air guitar firefighters Spain Atlantis James Dean Sparta people walking away from explosions unfazed mountain lions Santa Claus beer porn Xbox earthquakes potatoes Omaha Steaks giants having superpowers steeds wet t-shirt contests presidential elections VH1 people hurting themselves on youtube David Letterman Twin Turbo V8 Engine volcanoes doom unicorns (doin awesome shit) Tetris ta-tas cyborgs pirates doin' it MMA frag genades the Loch Ness monster body shots lava flows Bumfights swordfights hot cocoa tattoos epic battles piss shivers giant turtles headshots the Matrix sour candies lightning that alien popping out of chests in Alien werewolves tits mushroom clouds frisbee golf capes prophecies foretold coming true pits of spikes face-painting cute animals exploding Oompa-Loompas horses virgins Jell-O wrestling Poseidon squirrels quantum physics gnomes giant fighting robots or mech suits kids vomiting at the fair from the rides dragons Minotaurs deep fryers boobs Shamu platypi psycho killers Spring Break Stargates weebles human sacrifice White Castle Native American spirit magic sharp cheddar gryffons RPGs (rocket propelled grenades) RPGs (role playing games) sweater-meats Motocross the guy who threw the shoe at George W Bush cinder blocks blood-forged swords ninjas mafia dons steak hoagies all that fancy shit giant radioactive sea monsters political science Man-Eating white tigers Man-Eating sharks moats eye lasers chocolate pudding (not tapioca) airsoft guns real guns giant ridable eagles chainsaws for hands Mead dinosaurs still alive today lizard people Reese's cups Man-eating plants Orange Julius waffle cones battleaxes battletambourines full moons
Jim Vivas, a Guardian of T'eh Rox'ors, has many evil superentitities vying for power. A family C'thulhu, D'øn and Chu'uck VonderHa'ar, (CPA) attempt to don the purple in the 900th Century, but he turns them into conch fritters with a spicy remoulade. gladly sacrificing their poison seed into the fleshy god, power enough to house the growing brood that shall burst forth into a doomed world. The fellow bringers of total evil shall prevail.
See also: Team Rainbow Pony