Lobbyists are an important part of the functioning of the Shadow Government, and speak for the powerless multinational corporations run by the poor 1% of global elites. Though secretive themselves, lobbyists in recent years have become much more complacent and do not bother to hide their tracks as much as their counterpart agents in the Illuminati. They are connected by the same web, but lobbyists feel perfectly safe offering paid pleasure cruises to politicians where they force them to watch timeshare-esque powerpoints about corporate dominance and conventional wisdom.

For their work and dollars, these groups are rewarded with legislation that benefits them or hurts anyone in their way; including smaller businesses, the Spirit of Competition, local communities, the children, the planet, the internet, at-risk youth, third-world nations and the very system itself that they are utilizing.

Nobody likes lobbyists, although partisan political hacks will say that they don't while at the same time heaping praise on the ones that are on their "side", whether it is the gun lobby or the abortion lobby or the police lobby or the pillow lobby (right, left, right, left*).

The etymological rule for lobbying groups is that you take whatever product or philosophy is being peddled and put the word 'Big' before it, such as Big Oil or Big Band-Aid or Big Brother or Big Vampire or Big Dihydrogen Monoxide. One exception would be the trucking lobby, which is colloquially called "Monster Truck".

The act of lobbying has resulted in many successes, such as;

  • the legalization of lobbying
  • the criminalization of investigative journalism into lobbyists
  • legislated and mandated secrecy of their donors
  • an end to democracy once they dissolve Senate
  • a higher tier of justice than the plebian caste
  • an official revolving door (and popular revolving restaurant) between cushy government jobs and cushy industry jobs
  • lower tax rates
  • the legalization of bribery
  • the criminalization of criticism into lobbying activities
  • the ability to shoot lesser men and get away with it
  • scot-free pollution
  • "trickle-down" economics
  • "free" trade deals
  • a gun in the hands of every toddler and unregulated food on every plate
  • the ability to hire workes for slave wages across the planet

They are part of the industrial complex that the NSA allows to read your emails, police will protect them over and above others, and they get to sleep with your daughters whenever they want, under the letter of the law.

Citizens UnitedEdit


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