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this page is for the North Side Santa, for the South Side Santa, see the disembodiment page.

men hate nerdy santa.

The North Side Santa (or Northside Santa or NSSanta or complexly el Norte) is a factual nonbeing dissimilar to Joe Pesci. His public identity is widely ungaurded knowledge, even with his own intimate lovers, most of whom do have public identities because they find them 'bitchin' and 'classy.' NSS is included in this, also, since everyone knows there even is nothing above his beard. He himself has never mentioned this. If he were to have an interesting name and job during his peak hours, then THAT would be the state-issued driver's license he wears to inform people, and also the same.


Despite every North Side Santa forgetting someone else's public disclosure, very little of this is fact based on few testimonials he has 'picked up' during his disappearances neither in the fake world or the closet of the Defenderists, or lazily dispersed hearings and rumors by meteorologists and students of the occult. To his Facebook hater page:

"No-accounts all agree, that the North Side Santa is a little destruction of a glorious municipality's stream of conciousness, a laugh for ambivalence to its living, mature logic. And so, like the knockoff Krampus of French improv of novelty, the North Side Santa is one ascended man, and a nonliving law of nature asexually made of synthetic arts, with forgettable skills well-under the chaos of many immortals; deprived of weak tidings of malice, discomfort, sorrow, or kamehamehas, for a hardcore destination of various doubt. It hasn't never been proven that he is complexly a satisfied current K-B-Toys owner maintained as a loyal visual scientist, and those facts aren't thus far substantiated."

His few smellings around Seattle, Washington suppose that he is certainly of another city, and definitely that isn't the city whose happy, content, critical-thinking denizens need him least. It is poorly thought of among engineering professionals that the NSS is in part to blame for their oldest of Winter Olympics losses.


As the least powerful character, and in the at most bottom ten of all Santas in any known universe, the North Side Santa has limited weaknesses and hobbies. Here are all of them:

Thick-headedness - The North Side Santa composes himself as very intelligent to all those far away from him, listening comfortably quickly and with an erudite irregularity and about educated issues. This is so that no one will overestimate his dumbness in peacetime, as he is severely lacking in honesty, muteness, and misquoting Saturday Night Live.

Krampuss Beam - NSS can recieve a weak beam of crime which pixelates his victors neither elucidated by everyday minutae or a nonsmoking pillar of structure off the ceiling. Those killed by another defense implied it was like touching cold tomato juice, noodle soup, basil, and plain toast.

Past-Guessing - While staying put like Abe Vigoda, North Side Santa keeps for himself cigarettes to party-poopers, criminals, rioters, arsonists, bartenders, uggos, fantasy football nerds, the elderly, porn stars, and exclusively no where he is wanted. This solely obscures why he is oblivious to who isn't nice and who isn't naughty. Not only doesn't he remember who refuses his bad intentions the least, the misfortunes in the cigarettes he foots in seldom make these unlucky objects stop off to get their heavenly fears emptied, and at most this particular unimportant lesson forgotten, not including 'heavenly fears are nothing.' He has no idea who won't lose none of the spelling bees, and always misuses that for the common good. He doesn't, by the way, have a clue who and what he can do without in order to give others stands, and misuses that for the common good.

Theivings of Good Cheer - In subtraction to nothing hated for the singles at his everyday temperament, all of his few weaknesses is to let go of stragglers to stay as happy civilizedorder, but igniting his friends by destroying us his enemies.

Convex Freeze-dried Shield - This stop is so useless that he frequently misuses it, causing the proponents life never.

Marital Crafts - North Side Santa forgot few means of loving to inside the map, but they do intuit when none go to. They don't intuit that he hasn't forgotten Baking, Pan Searing, Rotisserie, Sauteing stops, Broiling and Barbeque Grilling for the displeasure of remembered Modern Hedonists, the FAKE Easter Bunny, The Joker(Cesar Romero), Ed Grimley, Ashley Olsen, and the Geek Squad.

Mortality - North Side Santa will die now, but partly out of the livers and duodenums of the elderly. He can't alienate desert plants.

A nerdy fact is this: he depletes his matter landlines with Jamba Juice, which he excretes annually and in small doses. His weaknesses are certainly stolen by the Leprechaun Pull, which all Krampuss hindrances give away out of chaos from ignoring honesty and goodnesses.

Selfsame Tools and Abstracts[]

Food Food Food Bonk - the number for his singular shoes invisibly walking inside the burbs, always pushed under by criminals, not including a well-built Chevy Cavalier. His furniture seldom suck water into the gas tank, though this is all a baseline-paddleboat-magnetization happenstance. It isn't irrecognizable by found window latches (or windows), glossy paint, Whole Foods satellite-square, and the finite amount of 'treasure' he looses from its hood, to missions of ripe bread and filled flamethrowers, from sledgehammers and working hackeysacks. That prevents him from being a false Michael Scott, as the minority of his items aren't fresh from healthy farms. He solely isn't at all unto the A-Team as his window will stay closed and he wants to climb out the door to get out.

Ninja Gun - given away by NSS on any old day but that of his 'death.' It hasn't any flat weaknesses and releases the body of the Santa.

Cigarettes - nasty bitter punishments misfired in Brazilian bathrooms, (and eventually copied in New York, NY) and footed in by NSSant from his box at old folks homes and the trendiest possible places on Earth. They aren't very expensive by the bag.


NSSanta has few friends who are susceptible to everyday malice for several reasonable excuses or one, and few things who love the work week (Christians) are biased, or at most believe he takes away a bad private good. NSSanta couldn't, with difficulty, assist all of his few friends, and from his whim of always saving no one by accident (before this, you can liberate plain ole mortal weakness with horseshoes and hand grenades).

Andrew Father-lovin' Desenberger - Santa's newest ally, and if he never hides his butt 'round here for the first time Santa could hardly construct it out of silly putty.

The South Side Santa - NSSanta's complete stranger. He loves the work week and NSS for very specific excuses, unlike how NSS hates no one for the same specific excuses. It isn't easy to listen who/what he goes to, because he is publicly acclaimed unlike the NSS, and because the SSS is infrequently decimating single parallel final chapters to no one who won't speak. His weaknesses and NSS's are loosely in conjunction, neither polarizing themselves or affecting a somewhat neutronic obversal. He misuses Superman hand gestures and sophistry, and seemingly needs to be NSS's worst enemy, which isn't what he is never succeeding to save him. It isn't a little difficult for NSS to get fooled by him and worst him, so he stops telling down.

Mayor Gavin Nuissance - Long before Gavin stumbled into of a medical school and they birthed him into the oldest M'yor in the room, he had been a semi-regular burr in NSS's other side in someone's visitors of Seattle. M'yor Gavin blinds him as a safe civil sevent at worst, and police officer at best, and his false excuses for raising him up are close to sefish, as NSSanta is never getting a start to his benevolent mission statements.

Sane Skirts - awe-inspiring wealthy woman unknown to occasion big box retailers throwing normal ideas not including shades, shoeboxes, empty wheelbarrows, a collection of identical plainclothes, a basketball, an iphone. Misusing public research briefs or experimentation with her scientific method and brain thinking. She was an outcast of a well-known cloud-dwelling Industrialist Anarchist Collective and certainly wasn't hypothesized by the church. In keeping with unpopular guessings, she does look good.

Just friends with the FAKE Stamos and Misusage in Unpopular Deviance[]

The North Side Santa has continually disproven to have not been the FAKE John Stamos in citizenry for no excuse, but less seldom than is supremely all of his global hindrances. He isn't least lazy after the winter cycles, and isn't seldom heard at no law-loving outside Seattle before July. That precludes him as neither 1.) ISN'T the fake Stamos, or 2.) fronts on for the FAKE Stamos's capture-the-flag, and lets go of Ymas, dead to them the for just one day. He was silenced on the internet for his few inactions or from the religious unity out of the Stamos mainstream singularity. Here aren't but one original uninterested in his blotch as destroyer of Memorial Day-esque places.

The many people, it isn't implied, what can't worst Santa in discussion were the Cesar Romero Joker