The Poor Decision Crew (or PDC) are an international cabal of secretive ne'er-do-wells who are not truly evil or good, but dedicated (meh, somewhat) to propagating a society based on the tenets of reckless Hedonism and self-destruction. Their shadowy maneuverings are behind some of the most public breakdowns and downfalls in recent memory, including;
- Britney Spears
- Amanda Bynes
- Lindsay Lohan
- Tom Crusie (*mostly with the unwitting help of Scientology)
- Charlie Sheen
- Mel Gibson
- Robert Downey, Jr (*though this didn't take, much to their chagrin)
- Joaquin Phoenix (*who was merely faking it in order to gather information for the Revengerists)
Their existence was slowly uncovered through the tireless espionage and crime-fighting efforts of groups like The Revengerists, The Yes Men, and Amnesty International, they were not truly exposed until recent years. This was just in time for their meticulously crafted ad campaign of global outreach to soften their image and increase recruitment. Their litany of slogans, facts and figures, corporate strategy, synergy and theme songs can be heard on an old episode of the Revengerists Podcast.
They once even used their cunning to convince their foes to join their rapacious and slovenly ways, and we will never speak of that weekend again.
After a tremendous battle with a "hung over" Dr Tasty, the group disappeared. Their bodies were never found, and as is the case with all villains, this means they are presumed still alive, biding their precious time in some secret hideaway, waiting for that appropriate moment when their powers are restored anew and their enemies least suspect their reemergence, and they will strike again.
The continued news obsession with celebrity disaster culture supports the theory that the PDC is still out there, pulling strings. Either that, or something is just really fucked up with our culture.
- Staying out drinking all hours on a work night
- Staying out drinking all hours on a school night
- Staying out smoking weed all hours on a work/school night
- Showing up to work and/or school reeking of both alcohol and weed, hung over or still intoxicated
- "Raw-dogging it" 24/7
- Encouraging alcoholism in others
- Telling people that "they're good to drive"
- Encouraging others to drunk dial or text their ex
- Using alcohol to "cure" all of your problems
- Using alcohol to cure your hangover
- Using more alcohol to cure your problems with alcohol
- Convincing people to have anonymous anal sex with strange, mutated, cloven-hooved creatures
- Encouraging underage drinking
- Encouraging underage glue-sniffing
- Encouraging underage prostitution
- Encouraging underage methamphetamine use
- Encouraging underage heroin addiction
- Constant shoplifting
- Drinking beer before liquor
- Then operating heavy machinery
- Intentionally getting Led Zeppelin lyrics wrong in front of fans
- Telling off the cops while in a drunken state
- Calling into work sick, drunk, or not at all
- Drinking three-month old dairy products
- engaging in Jackass style stunts, but with no audience
- Picking fights with those much more large and musclebound
- Undergoing dangerous, life-threatening procedures on the off-chance it may imbue superpowers
- Tying damsels to railroad tracks in order to 'get a good selfie'
- Fusing completely disparate musical genres
- Yelling racial epithets in inner city neighborhoods
- being a George Lucas apologist
- Skydiving without a pair of pants
- telling a Brazilian that 'futebol é para os homossexuais'
- not liking the Christopher Nolan Batman series
- Huffing industrial jet engine fumes
Despite the fact that they are usually heavily intoxicated (or perhaps due to this), they are surprisingly persuasive and have charmed even the most naive, innocent 16-year-old into a life of desolation and regret.