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60-Second Adventures in Thought (combined)

Philosophy is the study of using complicated ideas to confuse or trick people without actually having to get out of your chair. It is infinitely less useful than science and infinitely less inspiring as religion, but adherents of this martial art are infinitely more smug than either.

Perfected by the Greeks and unnecessarily expounded upon by later generations, it has been used as a weapon to defeat the Persian Empire, the Robots of the Future, the Horrifying Ennui of Existence, and Ayn Rand.

It is the only known weapon used by the French, but proved unsuccessful against ze Germans, who had their own legacy of terrifying philosophers.