No one knows when the first raisin came, but we do know it opened the door to dried fruit hell for eternity. Since then, the inhabitants of our planet earth have suffered greatly at the hands of this evil thing.
Raisins exist to make people hate themselves. It can only be loosely called a "food" as any sane person with a shred of dignity will attest to the evil power of the raisin. Raisins are disgusting and should be avoided at all cost. Only the most foul beings use raisins and it is for the most nefarious purposes. Raisins ruin everything, even pudding. FUck them
Never use a raisin, even to poison someone.
Things Not To Do With Raisins Edit
Other Things Not To Do With Raisins Edit
- Ingredient for cookies
- Ingredient for cake
- Ingredient for pie
- hors de vour
- Party favor
- Put in a box
- Put in a small box
- Fed to animals
- Fed to small children
- Fed to large children
- Fed to adults
- Projectile weapon
- Projectile wapon
- Ingredient in pudding
- Ingredient in ice cream
- Dessert Topping
- Put in cereal
- Spell Component
- Building material
- Pet food
- Thrown into the sun
What to do with Raisins Edit
There is nothing we can do with raisins. They can't be destroyed in the sun wihtout running the risk of turning the sun's lifegiving rays into raiysins. They can't be placed in the dark outer reaches of the universe if there's a small chance of someone evil getting a hold of their power. They can only be put away, forgotten, never to return to this earth. FEAR THE RAISIN
Other facts about Raisins Edit
- Half of the world’s supply of raisins are grown in California. Incidentally, it's also where several hell mouths are located.
- Raisin colors vary by drying process. For example, a dark purplish/black raisin is sun-dried. A light to medium brown raisin is mechanically dehydrated in special drying tunnels. A golden to bright yellow raisin is mechanically dried and treated with sulfur dioxide to retain color and a green raisin is dried by air in adobe houses. Any colored raisin probably has an evil wizard inside of it!
- April 5th is National Raisin & Spice Bar Day. It's also the day with record highs in emergency room visits for food poisoning.
- April 30th is National Raisin Day. It's also the day with record highs in fatalities world-wide.
- Cool storage is the best way to keep raisins. After the package has been opened they should be put in a sealed container and refrigerated. Raisins will retain their flavor, color, and nutritive value if stored in the refrigerator. They can be kept even longer if frozen. Raisins will thaw quickly at room temperature. If raisins become dry due to improper storage, rinse them in tap water to dissolve the sugar crystals and restore the moisture. Satan rejected raisins from hell, it's why they're so terrible.
- California discovered the commercial potential of raisins quite by accident. In 1873, a freak hot spell withered the grapes on the vine. One enterprising San Francisco grocer advertised these shriveled grapes as “Peruvian Delicacies” and the rest is history. California is now the world’s leading producer of raisins. This is a lie to cover up the opening of the dried fruit hell door in ancient times.
- It takes more than 4 tons of grapes to produce 1 ton of raisins. And many more die behind the scenes to keep you safe.
- The finest raisins are considered to come from Malaga in Spain. Also considered the "butthole" of the hell door.
- Golden raisins are made by treating the raisins with a lye solution, sometimes with lye and then burning sulfur, and sometimes with sulfur dioxide. It is rumored that the dimension raisins come from is filled with sulfur and burning sulfur.
- Fresno, California is the Raisin Capital of the World. It is also the leading producer of embalming fluid.
- The California Dancing Raisin was introduced in 1984 by the California Raisin Industry marketing staff to increase awareness and demand for California raisins, but mostly a blackmailing scandal to indoctrinate the innocent peoples of earth into liking raisins.
- Dr Tasty's most hated enemy
- The plot point in one of many Warhammer 40k stories was that something from the Dark Age of Technology failed, which was holding back the raisins. Now the Grim Darkness of the Far Future just got grim darker