Reptilians or Lizard-men or Reptoids or Rapetoids, are humanoid reptiles with a penchant for human flesh and war-mongering. They are largely responsible for about half of all political decisions made on a federal and international level, most of the wars of the modern era and many more before that, and nine out of ten astral rapes.
Anatomyy and PhysiologyEdit
They stand taller than most non-NBA-All-Star humans, and are usually greenish and scaly, have slit-like eyes and may or may not have a long spiky tail. Variations have been known to have stereoscopic eyes, horns, and frills around their necks. They slobber and drool with their forked tongue out when thinking about murder, rape, or feasting on blood. They are often covered in a warm mucuous that masks their scent, allows them to climb walls, and make sexual encounters with them that much more unbearable. They reproduce sexually, with the male posessing a pulsating, scaly thrusting lizard member (which pulls back up into the body for convenience when not in use), and have been known to change gender voluntarily or involuntarily. When in human form, they are somewhat less disgusting. When they take the form of Raymond Burr... LOOKOUT!
Powers and AttacksEditReptilians have powerful individual attacks, from their strength and predatory cunning, to their ruthless bloodthirsty instincts, to the lack of mercy for their prey or unwillingness to sacrifice themselves for the greater 'good.' Many emply the use of their well-muscled tails or jaws for a killing blow. They are stronger, faster and more agile than humans, with the ability to stick to walls and sometimes shoot acid from their mouths. The kinkier ones know how to astral travel.
Sometimes they can pick up a heavy thing and throw it at you.
Many of the higher-order can shapeshift into human forms, or perhaps even more hideous monstrosities than that. They use this to fool humans into being dinner, or on a larger scale, infiltration of our world governments and shaping of geopolitical events.
Though obviously formidable alone or in twos, Reptilans are actually part of a structured caste society with maniacal leaders, fearsome technology, and an endless supply of military drone-lizards to throw at any hero, which makes them the most powerful villains in the Revengerist Omniverse .
P-Bump, one of the top lizard person journalists in the field, made a handy guide last year that culled lizard-person identifiers. Here's the list of lizard person tells:
Lizard society operates similarly to the old kingdoms and old caste systems of old, though very little is known about the upper eschelon of their secret cabalistic leadership. It has been insinuated that there is a royal bloodline, but this may be a thing of the past, as it may have gone cold. Certainly, higher-ups in the military form a sort of noble class which is bent on global dominion, are always seated first at restaurants, and treat other humanoid species and indeed their own lower classes as slaves for their industry, pleasure, consumption and amusement.
Art, music, aesthetics, love and charm are all unknown to lizards, while their favorite sporting activites include: feasting, slaying, doing battle, basking, sating a bloodlust, or remaining motionless for hours. Gladatorial combat is encouraged to keep the rabble happy on a semi-regular basis, though mass genocides of their own population have also been known to occur based on the whim of the leadership. Lizards, contrary to popular belief, do have a sense of comedy and can laugh, but it is usually accompanied by horrific shrieking and a small jet of blood squirting from the eye sockets, and often in response to things humans find hellish such as impaled babies and roasted body parts.
Though lizards shed their own skin voluntarily, and can lose their tale if frightened (which is rare) the harshest punishment in their society is skinning to death, and is reserved for acts or treason, insubordination, political rhetoric and fun.
Reptilians, in addition to coveting our surface world and delicious bodymeats, also find our politics fascinating. They have modeled many of their own political conventions after ours such as subterfuge, deception, doublespeak, manipulation, gerrymandering, mudslinging, pork barreling, filibustering, corporate bribery, conspiracy, assassination (both character and actual), sophistry, passing the buck, and propaganda, but often losing some of the subtler touches such as democracy, freedom or equality. Their ruthless usage of these principles (as well as the magical and alchemical shapeshifting abilities) have led them to seamlessly control many surface-Earth governments either directly or indirectly.
Lizard society is always at war or building up for war, which accounts for Nintey percent of their industry, the other ten percent evenly divided between opression and meat-grinding. The only value Reptilians see in science is as a means to their eventual military galactic dominance. They place it at the same level as magic or alchemy or positive thinking. If it makes things die, lizards will see to it that it recieves funding. Centuries of selective murdering has bred out any pencil-necked bleeding hearts who may sympathize with the weak or opressed. They value only being the most affluent, murderous, fat alpha lizard imaginable, with all those lesser beings as expendible.
Though it is not known at this time (is heavily disputed even within Reptilian circles), some propose that the Reptilians are in fact descended from a race of space-faring individuals such as the Annunaki. This would be supported by their worship (by sacrifice or conquering human societies) to the great Dragon gods of space, as well as their desire to cut a swath of destruction and victory across the stars in their own spaceships, though both of these may be explained away as bloodthirsty ego-tripping in keeping with their character. The hovercraft they currently employ comes from a different, equally horrifying alien species to which other connections are unclear.
Undoubtedly, the hollow Earth is filled with Lizard People. Their exact population is unknowable by surface-dwelling humans, but estimated to be anywhere around 500,000,0000-2,000,000,000, not including subterranean-dwelling humans, dwarves, sauroids, apemen, mutants, molemen, bat people, lava men, goblins, vampires, gnomes, faeries, elves, toadstool people, Maury Povich, or graboids. In the hollow earth the Reptilians are the most advanced, and have already claimed supremacy over many of the other species and tribes. They have existed for years but very little has changed. Most Reptilians do not remember a time when they were not underground, just legends of an Ancient era on the surface. In fact, due to the Inner Sun, most middle Earth dwellers are not even aware that they are inside a spheroid, except the horizon and sky looks kinda weird.
It is also possible, though laughably unlikely, that Reptilians evolved into humanoids only slightly ahead of mammals, as smarter dinosaurs fled the catastrophic surface events that killed the rest of their kind.
Though certainly known to employ magic, they are by no means experts in its use. The use and understanding of magic is a major turning point in the legends of the Lizards rising up from their Dragon overlords millenia ago. It is then perfectly reasonable to suggest that humanoid Lizards were created by magic space Dragons as a slave race once they landed on Earth.
The classic Reptilian form, and the one most hell-bent on conquest and bloodshed. There are many more sub-breeds of this form, each with its own specialties, from disembowelling to disinformation, from leaping to saving you money on car insurance. They are the most interested in enslaving or raping other life forms.
Snakemen, most commonly known to exist on or under the subcontinent. Feared and worshipped in India for their spitting poison and high-paying constriction jobs, their hoods and headdresses warn others of their toxic bite and willingness to strike. Their only known nemesis is the Mongusa.
Japanese turtle monsters with small pools of water atop their heads which, if spilled, results in their lame death. They too have a cannibalistic society with no tolerance of the weak, old, or infirm. They are lest concerned with asserting their supremacy over humans, but often find themselves romantically entangled nonetheless.
A fearsome army of magic and military might, the dreaded King Koopa and his waves of troopas and paratroopas await the day when they will crush their enemies and collect the coins from their heavily stomped corpses.
Evidence of Real ReptoidsEdit
Any time a reporter's face fragments due to digital compression, somewhere a Reptilian is shapeshifting.
List of Reptilians posing as humansEdit
- Bill O'Reilly
- Michael Jackson (the one that killed the original after 'Remember the Time')
- All of the Royal Family
- Anne Coulter
- Bush Sr.
- Bush Jr.
- Richard Milhaus Nixon
- Larry the Cable Guy
- Sean Hannity
- Jay Leno
- Ayatollah Khomeni
- Osama Bin Ladin
- Saddam Hussein
- Margaret Thatcher
- Hilary Clinton
- Chelsea Clinton (Half-reptile half-river-rat)
- Doctor Curt Connors
- that FUCKING BITCH on the bus who keeps taking my seat
- Philo T. Pharnsworth
- Thomas Edison
- Jim Morrison
As evil overlords bent on dominating the Earth, they have formed uneasy alliances with many human-enslaving and human-devouring races. Until one emerges as the alpha predator political force, they share information, resources, and military forces to varying degrees. This has, of course, changed over the course of history during different leadership, wars, and truces.
- Most likely, they are either the progeny of, at the behest of, or in some form of cahoots with the Ancient Dragon Lords of Olde, also known as the Draconians, Annunaki, or Nibiruans. Although it is possible that the Reptilians are an engineered race by these dragon overlords, and rebelled at some point.
- The Vampire Lobby - including major advocates such as Glenn Beck and Stephanie Meyer, they make the vampyric archetype seem romantic and sexually alluring, attempting to reach a Daybreakers/Omega Man future where they rule and humans are farmed and hunted down (Psychic vampires are known to be
very closely aligned with Reptilians).
- Though at an uneasy alliance, the Greys (intergalactic peeping toms and sexual deviants), have been undermining human government for almost as long as the Reptilians, so both their evil designs of Earth and space alternatingly coincide and are at odds. There is considerable evidence to suggest that many of
the Greys are in fact 'droid or bio-organic 'slaves' to the Reptilians.
- In their astral traveler forms, all evil chills out as equal threats, and so they may allay with demons, shadow peoples, and strange gods. Though they have also been known to fight 'Shadow Wars' for fun and profit.
- Among various groups thought to be aligned with Reptilians are; Grigori, Orbs, 'Greys' and all their variants,
Pleaideans, various types of 'Were'-creatures INCLUDING Lycans, Demonic creatures, Cyclops (the
inter-galactic version, NOT the Greek-mythologic version), and super-naturals, such as Changelings,
Banshee's, Nightwalkers & Necromancers...i.e up to 16 different (dangerous) groups are higly likely
thought to be closely aligned with them...
- certain sell-out humans like their 'bloodsack', Rush Limbaugh.
Nobody really is sure where Christopher Walken stands on any of this.
- The Illuminati - An ancient evil human organization that runs almost every other ancient evil human organization and directly rivals the Reptilians, (but are somehow sometimes in collusion with the Grays). Such human protectors/enslavers as Adam Wessaupt, Nikolai Tesla, Gugliermo Marconi, Bill Gates, Jean-Luc Picard and Alan Thicke.
- The Revengerists - love to beat up on Lizard Men because they just keep coming at you but only take a few hits to destroy which can really help you level up stats.
- Lycans - as monstrosities that spend most of ther time still as humans, (and whose other portion is still canis, and therefore loyal to humans), can tear through a Reptilian in seconds. Then again, a Reptilian can tear through a Lycan in seconds. And a group of Reptilians and a group of Lycans are Awesome to watch tearing through each other. See also; Harvey Keitel.
- The Highwaymen - an American supergroup comprising four country music artists well known for, among other things, their involvement and pioneering influence on the outlaw country subgenre: Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson.
- Rick Marshall, his son Will and his young daughter Holly, were rafting on the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon when they were caught in "the greatest earthquake ever known." The river was diverted over a cliff, and as the Marshalls' raft plunged over the resulting waterfall they struck a time doorway partway down. Trapped in the Land of the Lost with only the minimal camping equipment they'd had on the raft, they make their camp in a natural cave partway up the face of a cliff they call the High Bluff.
- Nordics - benevolent, if a little intense, Viking demi-God race, such as Jim Vivas and Arnold Shwartzenegger.
- Ninjas will fuck a Reptilian's day up. But they mostly don't care.
- Elvis Presley - multiple abductee and defender of humans kidnapped and enslaved in space.
- Bootsy Collins - a force for funky good in the universe.
- Duane "the Rock" Johnson
Zombies don't ally with anyone except other zombies. Ever.