They support the McDonald's regime as figspokeshead until they become too overweight and are cast out onto the cold streets full of dangers like sunlight, the serial killer Burger King, or Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Fast food workers embarked on their largest ever strike worldwide today to bring attention to their low-wage plight. The strike is taking place in 230 cities, 33 countries and across all six inhabited continents.
Rather than raise wages for its workers (most of whom make minimum wage, or $7.25 an hour, which amounts to sub-poverty level $15,080 a year for full-time work), McDonalds announced they would relaunch Ronald McDonald. Now he will wear cargo pants and tweet.
"They need to re-re-launch Ronald McDonald," said Erica Payne, President of The Agenda Project Action Fund. "Instead of cargo pants, give him a conscience." Payne added, "The CEO of McDonald's makes $9,247 an hour while the people who actually cook the food and serve the customers live in poverty. We need to stop the Greedy Clown before he destroys the country."