Flying whale
The Flying Whale is a cosmic sperm whale that lives in and outside of spacetime harassing those in need. He is the dealer of burns and shows up at the most inopportune of moments. If imperiled by natural disasters, quicksand, or alien invasion, the flying whale may show up to remind you of what a deserving pissant you are compared to his grandiosity.

He is most certainly a Douchey Awesome, although inexplicably all those who encounter him consider him to be a good friend, wise advice-giver, and nice fella. He is none of these, and will demean you at any opportunity. Although he is not evil, and will not do anything to directly hurt others, he seems to at least relish turning the knife that fate has stuck in you.

He is a supremacist, but will not do anything about it besides belittle you.

The flying whale's only known natural enemy is the rocket-propelled squid.

The flying whale sometimes helps the Revengerists with advice and maneuvers. Well, not really, he doesn't help anyone ever but dishes out sick burns and the Revengerists just reply "oh, flying whale, you so crazy!" like he is their friend or some shit.

The flying whale always crosses that line twice.


"So I was reading this little book, maybe you've heard of it; 'The Dictionary.' Yeah, I've read it, big deal, move on... Anyway, next to the words sometimes they got these neat pictures. Like next to the word 'stupid'? They got a picture of you."

"Yeah, your sister totally took on, like, four guys. And not just guys. There were some other chicks in there. And a cow. And a guy with, like, two dicks. Heh. Talk about double-penetration."

"Hey, I'm just saying! Wouldn't you rather hear it from a friend than some guy on the street? Like, just some guy?"

"You definitely would have found out about it, too, because I taped the whole thing. Then I put it up on youtube. And I embedded it on my myspace. And I made shirts on cafepress."

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