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Young Teddy, his first mutation/evolutionary form.


Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt ( /ˈroooʊʊʊʊzəvɛldtht/ roh-zə-velt;[2] October 27, 1858 – Present) was the 26th President of the United States of America (1901–1909). He is noted for his exuberant personality, range of interests and achievements, and his leadership of the Progressive Movement, as well as his "cowboy" persona, robust masculinity, super-strength, invincibility, invulnerability, redundant healing factor, immortality, and robust masculinity.[3] He was a leader of the Republican Party and founder of the short-lived Progressive ("Bull Moose") Party of 1912. Before becoming President, he held offices at the city, state, and federal levels. Roosevelt's achievements as a naturalist, explorer, hunter, dragon-slayer, pudding eater, author, moustachean, crime-fighter, party-goer and soldier are as much a part of his fame as any office he held as a politician. He is the greatest Awesome ever to have lived. Though benevolent, he sometimes devoured worlds.


Teddy Roosevelt is immune to all forms of physical damage, degeneration, pain, energy attacks, or psionic penetration. For Teddy Roosevelt cannot be destroyed. One of his superpowers was to give himself other magic powers. Teddy Roosevelt knows of our la-zer technology. Teddy Roosevelt invented lasers when he learned how to shoot them from his eyes. He can also shoot lightning, from his wrists, like Spider-Man but with lightning. He would later learn how to transcend time and space and literally exist in as many parts of the Omniverse as he pleased. Teddy Roosevelt, as a conservationist, spawned several forms of life that God unduly gets credit for, such as oysters, maqaques, plankton, bush babies, the whirlybird, and the mighty scotoplane (which he later vowed to destroy).


Teddy Roosevelt was born into a pile of swaddling $1,000 bills on the top of a golden pyramid on a chalice visited by angels Mordecai and Jeffro (doing whatever angels would do over a baby), to the wealthy Roosevelt family in an alleyway in New York City (the only city possible of conceiving him). As a baby, he didn't need to use money, but double-fisted titties. Damn straight. And no one dared change his diaper!

At the ripe age of one years old, he had whooped a puma (or mountain lion or sand cat, depending on the region), devoured half off Mt. Everest (which was bigger then), 83+Cancer, save the world from a fiery ball of AIDs, these are but some of the amazing things that he did. And more!

Teddy Roosevelt was Zorro, all along!

Teddy Roosevelt beat his way into the ranks of the moustachean peoples, and was immediately heralded as their king with chants of "we cool! we cool!"

Around this time Teddy Roosevelt invented karate and won the world championship jell-o puddin' pop-eating competition against the Cosby 12 of Planet Cosby in the Cosbium system Elders of Cosby Cos leaauuughghhghghghgh y'see? He ate jalepeno poppers like you wouldn't believe.

Teddy Roosevelt can eat anything he chooses, including that stuff inside Magna-Doodles (it's not magnets, it's not doodles, wtf!?!?). The only thing he chooses not to eat is anything from Golden Corral, which is totally nasty.

Trusselbarfe! Teddy Roosevelt predicted Chris Farley.

After hearing Thomas Marshall say "Death will have to take him sleeping. For if Roosevelt is awake, there will be a fight", Teddy Roosevelt never fell asleep again.

If you know what is good for you, just don't sit on Teddy Roosevelt's furniture, for God's sakes! It's not that he would harm you, you just couldn't handle its spine-rupturing awesome.

He helped Jim Vivas battle, defeat and ultimately deep fry Cthulhu. They acknowledge each other's equal power rating (OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!) and seek not to destroy one another.


There is an undocumented moment in American history atop San Juan Hill where Teddy was visited by three ghost aliens, who unlocked the secrets of his mutant powers and spurred his second mutation.

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all these dudes had to fight Teddy Roosevelt upon entry into the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry Regiment, or "Rough Riders" because that's catchier. In English, one does not say "Teddy Roosevelt had to fight all these dudes" but rather the correct form: "All these dudes had to fight Teddy Roosevelt.












Conservationalism

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not pictured, giant fork and knife and napkin

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Teddy roosevelt vs bigfoot


Presidential Battle Royale: Roosevelt v. Van-Burn

Van-Buren's more evil than most people know. He andTeddy have waged a furious intergalactic war spanning eons over their differences in character. many worlds were crushed, and galaxies obliterated... and this war rages even today; when the tides roll in high, and the Four Moons of Albershcact have converged, standing atop Mount Washington, you can hear them shooting haddokens at each other and shattering worlds, shaking the very gates of Hell, which gets Space Jesus all pissed off and he fuckin' starts kicking ass, nearly destroying Van Buren and Teddy Roosvelt! WHAT WILL OUR DARING DUO DO NEXT? “Quick, Van-Buren! Aim a dark haddoken directly at his sixth head!” Van Buren musters all his power and blasts the beast in one of its many heads. “Now I shall use my repulsor ray!” Teddy's repulsor ray was enough to knock Space Jesus back into an alternate universe, and rather painfully, at that. “Good Job, old foe... ” said the majestic Teddy, “Or, rather, 'old friend?'”Van Buren cringed “Friends? You? BWHAHAHAHHA!!!” The ground began to tremble... in space. “VAAAANNNN BUURRRENNNNN!” Teddy shouted, trembling the space-ground even more. “Now's my chance” As Van Buren gives Teddy the slip and ends up unlocking the aforementioned gate-o-hell. “VAAAANNNN BUUURRRRENNNNN!” Teddy shouted, again. Van Buren marched into Hell and was instantly greeted by some dude named “Virgil.” Van Buren swiftly decapitated him. Van Buren pressed on into Hell, kicking the ass of any 13th century Itallian allegory that got into his path to ascend to the apartment of the Beast himself, and then sub-letting the throne! Teddy, thought dead for ages, returned from his carbonite prison to rescue the universes again from a new threat: Van Buren and the Devil: Roommates. Watch as Teddy Roosevelt descends into hell and shows up as an unwanted house-guest! watch as Teddy plays BOTH sides of this wacky situation. Only on ABC'S “Holy Shit This Can't Be Legal” Sundays at 8pm EST.



When Teddy Roosevelt battles, he is always reading a book. This is how he is able to read an entire book a day, because Teddy Roosevelt fights all day, every day. Because he memorizes a book upon first glace, the book does not need to be present while he does this.

Teddy's third mutation was triggered when he realized that nobody was going to fine him for his overdue library books.

Teddy Roosevelt overthrows Zeuss, becomes unto a God.





Teddy lives on in Space Europe. He left plenty of his work here on Earth undone, just like your typical Democrat. He sometimes appears to heroes in battle like a Force-Ghost, but more like a Cheshire Roosevelt, which is what they call it.

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