The 'Virtues' of Evil are a list of principles, guidelines, traits, abilities, perks, and descriptors necessary in varying degrees to any who live a truly Evil lifestyle. Attaining some or all of the 'Virtues' will signify one's level of evil, from mere Malice to Seething Hatred to Full Power Consumption.
The 'Virtues' have been employed throughout history by those truly evil enough to recognize their immense power and wield them effectively. It is commonly held among evil scholars that only self-described villainy uses the 'Virtues' in any explicit form, whereas evil organization that believe themselves to be doing good may unintentionally hit upon each 'Virtue' in time, but are not actively setting out to do so. For clarification; the Catholic Church has commited nearly every gravest 'Virtue' upon the people of the world, but in the name of what they consider to be a just, good, gracious, and loving God (see: Hypocrisy). The Church of Scientology, on the other hand, has existed for a much shorter period of time, but has done their best to utilize as many 'Virtues' of Evil as possible without being too obvious about it and thus foiled too soon.
The word 'Virtues' has always been written in quotes or half-quotes, as obviously no villain wants to appear to be genuinely virtuous, or genuine in any way for that matter, and should be strictly distinct. This is acceptable, at least, since Irony and Sarcasm are themselves two 'Virtues' of evil.
- 1 History
- 2 The 'Virtues'
- 2.1 Malice
- 2.2 Dishonesty
- 2.3 Distrust
- 2.4 Hypocrisy
- 2.5 Guile
- 2.6 Greed
- 2.7 Opportunism
- 2.8 Pride
- 2.9 Arrogance
- 2.10 Style
- 2.11 Patience
- 2.12 Creativity
- 2.13 Sarcasm
- 2.14 Irony
- 2.15 Mischief
- 2.16 Confidence
- 2.17 Shady Dealings
- 2.18 Dirty Doings
- 2.19 Backstabbingness
- 2.20 Mercilessness
- 2.21 Ruthlessness
- 2.22 Contrarianism
- 2.23 Selfishness
- 2.24 Bloodlust
- 2.25 Revelry
- 2.26 Self-Indulgence
- 2.27 Laziness
- 2.28 Seduction
- 2.29 Cowardice
- 2.30 Spontanaeity (Chaos)
- 2.31 Contingency
- 2.32 Awesomeness
- 2.33 Supremacy
- 2.34 Megalomania
- 2.35 Vision
- 2.36 Acuminiousness (Big Thinking)
- 2.37 The Having Of A Doctorate Degree
- 2.38 Lateral Thinking
- 2.39 Negative Thinking
- 2.40 Vengeance
- 2.41 Virtuosity
- 2.42 Imperilment
- 2.43 Seething Hatred
- 2.44 Power Madness
- 2.45 Diversification
- 2.46 Delegation
- 2.47 Location! Location! Location!
- 2.48 Mind Control
- 2.49 Invincibility
- 2.50 Legacy
- 2.51 Immortality
- 2.52 Full Power Consumption
- 2.53 Hubris
- 3 The Controversy
The 'Virtues' of Evil have been accumulated over many centuries and, some argue vast aeons, as dark primeval forces fomented slowly into the roiling, churning, turbid tempest that has defined and practically driven everything we have known since before the Common Era. Long ago Ancient Dark Monks, who had tired of their conquests as Warriors centuries earlier, undertook a comprehensive transcription of the 'Virtues' as the terran mouthpieces to whispering demonic entities set loose upon our realm, trapped between worlds. Portals open and closed to these forces with greater ease, unbeknownst to man as we either directly or inadvertently accomplished more and more nefarious social goals. Kingdoms rose and fell in accordance with the 'Virtues', conquest and dominance time and again plagued the lesser beings of the Earth, but each Ancient Empire crumbling under its own Hubris, undermined by the very evil that it sought to Master. Even the Ancient Dark Monks themselves were slaughtered by the extraterrestrial armies of Ghengis Khan, every scrap of their work burned and destroyed for the hell of it. At least two historic wars, the first between rival Vampyre dynasties, and the second between the two halves of the Roman Empire, would result from disagreements in interpretation of the 'Virtues' of Evil. Some evil scholars have suggested that the Crusades themselves represent this reprehensible endeavor, but it is commonly accepted that though thoroughly evil, both the Catholic Church and fundamentalism Islam believe themselves to be holy and doing the 'right thing' and therefore not in accordance with the 'Virtues' themselves.
Philosphers have long debated whether evil is intrinsically human (sociopathy), or metaphysically comes from other dimensions and worlds via daemonic energy and malicious gods and entities (religion). While they argue, evil overlords plot theirs and everyone else's ruin.
Most of the 'Virtues' are simply descriptors or traits pertaining to the evil lifestyle and heritage. Dishonesty, Mercilessness, Selfishness, Greed, Contrarianism and Backstabbingness among others are practically intrinsic to being evil, with Supremacy and Malice towards lesser men being the foremost.
Others are described as 'perks', special skills and abilities that come free along the path to total darkness, either as offensive or recreational enjoyment, such as Guile, Seduction, Style, Irony, Revelry, Awesomeness, Acuminiousness, Virtuosity or Megalomania. Some are arguably optional based on the type of villainy or foul rank of evil one chooses, like the level of Chaos to utilize, or how clear one's Vision, the decision to descend into Power Madness, whether or not to Diversify, or how many Contingencies to plan, or in what proportion one is fueled by Vengeance or Seething Hatred.
Some of the 'Virtues' are extremely powerful, and may result in arcs of electricity emanating from the physical form, red-glowing eyes, or a dark aura. Obtaining these later 'Virtues' on the list, as they are listed below, may in of themselves be ultimate goals or powers to be achieved by evil and the purpose of using the other 'Virtues'. Those who achieve Mind Control, Immortality, Invincibility, and Total Power Consumption may be well on their way to total dominance of all things.
Still others are unavoidable risks, downsides, or accursed weaknesses likely to occur when living the bad life, and must be either eradicated, mastered, controlled, or channeled productively. Laziness, Arrogance, Negative Thinking, Power Madness, Chaos, Contrarianism, Cowardice and Hubris can all be fun or even laudable, but are also bound to get a villain in peril if gone unchecked. Some are even in seeming opposition to one another, such as Laziness and Vision, Cowardice and Confidence, Opportunism and Patience. Reconciling these differences is what will define your particular brand of insidious villainy.
The first and foremost rule in every iteration of the 'Virtues' of Evil, or any other evil tome for that matter, is to be malicious in all forms. This 'black rule' epitomizes the entirety of evil philosophy, "do bad unto others," or in many cultures simply "crush others." The rest of the list merely supports this all-pervasive mindset, and many of the 'Virtues' are means to this end, goals in keeping with malice, or just reflections of a truly malicious nature.
Though it may go without saying, Dishonesty is integral to evil living, through the duplicitous use of secret-keeping', secret societal organization on a large scale, protecting oneself from fault, telling tall tales for entertainment, or simply hurting others. Dishonesty is a base requirement before levelling many other 'Virtues' such as Dirty Doings and Shady Dealings. One form of dishonesty that is 'not considerd evil is the telling of white lies intended to protect the feelings of another. If, by telling the wretched truth, you can bring dismay to another, then by all means do it!
As you categorically know that every human and most apes are dishonest to their very core like yourself, be so constantly vigilant that it is your first assumption that others speak mistruths, than to only secondarily surmising that they are employing the 'truth' to some nefarious ends. This can by all means eventually naturally develop into an all-encompassing paranoia of every person and thing around you in the universe.
What is good for the goose is most certainly not good for the gander, especially if the goose is the destined total Dominant of all being, and the gander is the rest of the rabble. What many call hypocrisy, evil calls good sense.
The good sociopaths are the ones who never act like sociopaths. An offensive or defensive mechanism in any area from research and recon to dating and political lobbying , your wits and charm combined with a shameless disregard of the truth can be a powerful weapon and technique for the upwardly-mobile megalomaniac. This is why so often when a serial killer or corporate fraud is caught, his friends, neighbors and family all swear they had no idea.
Evil allows for greed to blossom either as a practical need to accomplish larger more devious schemes, or for greed's sake alone, often both, and most certainly including greed for the sake of misery in others. Armed robbery with your latest evil ray and a bevy of similarly dressed goons or large-scale corporate embezzlement defrauding thousands of investors and costing jobs to hundred of thousands, its all the same in the eyes of evil.
Strike when the iron is hot while climbing that corporate ladder, and the VP who was above you on that ladder will have to take extended sick time from the third-degree burns long enough for you to sidle into his corner office, job title, pay grade, and wife.
Whether you wear spikes, or black cloak, or spinning buzzsaw blades, or pinstripe suit, or exoskeleton, or robes, or labcoat, or regal cape and crown, or the flesh of another, always carry your bad self with panache, class, and an all-around attitude that show others what they're missing out on by not giving in fully to the dark side. Evil is dashing, evil is bold, but most of all, evil is sexy.
Though considered an actual 'Virtue' by many do-gooders, and even the wretched Bible, don't forget that the mightiest successes in the world of evil machination have come from the patient slowly-closing spider-like grasp. You love it when a plan comes together, so don't botch it by rushing into things so soon, like your arch-enemies might. Examples of this in action include; the Bilderberg Group, ant-lions, the Catholic Church, international terrorists, and Betty White.
Whether desiging that new global death ray or implementing your latest torture device on your enemies/hapless victims, always try to be the Artist in the Office. The greatest joy and perk of being your own Evil Boss is the freedom to express yourself in your work, see your creative ideas turn into flawless plans and then into delicious victories. After all, while mad science may still be science, and building death robot slave drones may be a craft, evil is an art.
In keeping with the massive intellect, clarity of epistomology, duplicitous nature and dubious manner of speech, reflect dryly at your leisure upon our ironic reality, the stupidity of everyone but yourself, and the horrendous-hilarious-bleakness of the cosmos. Freely speak in varied levels of mockery and reflections of opinion, even if self-contradictory, as an expression of your distaste with matter that is not yourself.
Examples include; Severus Snape
Being so damned omniscient can be difficult, but take blackheart in the fact that the cruel cosmic strings that force others to dance like ridiculous puppets are so obviously apparent to you, and perhaps one day your ultimate quest for power will allow you to take those very strings as your playthings. In the meantime, laugh, laugh maniacally! Laugh! (hooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww ironic)
Whether run-of-the-mill or criminal, Mischief has supplied some of the finest evil antics by expert trickster gods and human political lobbyists alike. A fine tool for any evil craftsman, or by itself a complex art to be appreciated and enacted by connoiseurs. Most foreign wars, for example, have been orchestrated both for fun and the profit of the evil machinations of the Reptilians.
See also; Spontanaeity (Chaos)
Evil confidence has been construed many ways, but ultimately comes down to the fact that you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that you are absoultely, negatively the most evil scourge the human race has ever faced. Many villains take this to mean that they can feel free to allow weak foes to live, as they must surely pose no threat to their immense greatness at any time, and any villain who has them killed is not truly confident. To many other successful villains, however, this means immediately killing any foe while they are weak, regardless of (or perhaps supplemented by) being a 'cowardly' move. A truly confident villain, they argue, does not care whether or not their weakened foe may somehow rise to their superior level, but simply kills them as being a defiant weakling who deserves no better. Who cares what worms such as these think of you?
Using Guile and Dishonesty, you should accel in any business or black market or contract negotiation you undertake. Cheating is reserved for those intelligent enough to see that it is simply another tactic towards success, and clever enough to not get caught.
In all your affairs, compose yourself in an underhanded and unfair manner, so that opponents, participants, accomplices, authority, and bystanders alike will be adversely affected. Either to gain something for your own glorious self, or for the simple joy of injurious harm and/or mischief befalling others, always do them dirty.
Smile in their face, all the time you're trying to take their place. Backstabbers.
Mercy, compassion, empathy, whatever those lessers call it, it serves no purpose in the bleak harsh Manichean worldview, and only gums up the works in an otherwise progressive and ruthless campaign for total domination.
Ruthlessly, doggedly, always persevere in your dastardly goals despite all odds and every thing out to get and/or stop you. Though in seeming opposition to Laziness, as a single-mindedness of purpose fueled by Vengeance, Seething Hate, or Power Madness, it can focus you to a warrior's razor's edge, and also encompass your other surprisingly wide and varied skills and resources towards your endgame. This incapability to give up in the face of imminent capture or death will allow you your most clever escapes, and the chance to kill the hero after you have seemingly surrendered.
As the Omniverse clearly falls into a Manichean black-and-white (with yourself against the rest of them, the latter substratisfied ridiculously beyond your care to recognize), it will often serve you well to immediately take the opposite stance of every person, concept, convention, or fact-of-life around you for apparently no reason other than its lack of suiting you. It is called Devil's advocate for a reason.
It is all about you, you little solipsist you, isn't it? It is! Selfishness is part of your entire worldview, philosophy, and very way of life. In all things you constantly consider what their value or utility may be to you and your plans. Be most careful to hide this fact early in your evil career, as for some reason the stinking masses do not find it at all the glorious, successful, gratifying trait you know it to be. Soon, once the world is yours, you can indulge to your heart's delight with no pretense of caring for any other.
Similar to actual Lust (which at times has been considered its own 'Virtue' but in modernity has been considered to fall under Self-Indulgence), Bloodlust can be so encompassing as to be the sole driving force for evil overlords, and indeed entire evil armies and races.
Cavort and carouse like the madman you are, for after all, the most unsung quality of evil is that it is fun, yet so important to the entire endeavor.
Examples include; Caligula, Nero, Rasputin, and Charlie Sheen.
For your supremeness deserves to sample all the myriad of delights this mortal coil has to offer. The more for you, coincidentally, the less for everyone else. Every last drop of dessert, shimmering gemstones, curvaceous slavegirl, ballistics missile, and acre of land can and shall be yours, as you revel in the sweet lamentations of your victims.
Though often more of an obstacle in the ambitious villain's evil master plan, it is still undoubtedly a glorious 'Virtue' of the evil lifestyle, and doing something full-assed unnecessarily, or failing to delegate unsavory tasks to lesser beings is inconceivable. In moderation, laziness is a sweet relief from the constant barrage of your massive barrage machines presently barraging the populace.
Seduction done well is useful in controlling powerful figures, the clueless masses, tempting nubiles, and even your enemies. For fun, profit, and as yet another piece of your complex master plan falling nicely into place. You do take an appealing form, and evil is delicious.
In fight-or-flight situations, escape in your flying airship postehaste. An important defense and survival mechanism, cowardice will serve you well when the IRS is breathing down your neck or when escaping burning airships when women and children are in your way. Consider this; your second-banana is about to explode/disintegrate/fall from your flying airship. By helping him you put yourself in a small risk of capture or death, but not helping him will result in his death. You must certainly let him die, and in fact should kill him yourself if possible, for should he live he may remember the betrayal and aid your foes.
See full article: Chaos
Many villains are perfectly content to spread chaos for chaos' sake, and pour every passionate inch of their sexy evil being into it. But even if you simply employ delicious chaos to your devices along the way, not necessarily allowing Pandoran evil to spread its flailing tendrils out of control, then you still wield a powerful tactic against your enemies. If you keep 'em guessing, then your wits, traps, schemes and incantations will surely do them in while you reap up like a champion.
Backup traps, legions of soldiers, hard drives, doomsday countdowns, daggers, pistols, and plans are key to success, and never underestimate how many you could need. Surely putting your immense intellect to this modest task is no large task.
As a trait that crops up and a perk that finds itself useful, Evil Awesome clouds over the land in everything you do. Contrary to what many Awesome thinkers preach, Evil Awesome is not a subsection of Awesome. In fact, Evil believes that Awesomeness is merely a shade of the Evil lifestyle, and none but truly Evil are truly Awesome.
How clear it is to you now that your way of life, your beliefs, your ideas, your very personage is perfect beyond reproach and all others subserviant and lesser. This knowledge can fuel your genocide, forced submission, enslavement, imperilment, or general nastiness or may simply allow you to carry on your steady and ruthless business
See also; Confidence
You can have it all, and with a personality as perfect and a being as magnificent as yourself, why not take it? Others will bow to your intellect, beg for mercy not forthcoming, all power, wealth, subservience, omniscience within your reach if only you can conquer the conspiring forces of the universe set to foil you. Megalomania means: having the last laugh.
Your evil motives, what drove you to insanity, your corporate structure, your mission statement. At level 100 it is possible to upgrade this to variants such as X-ray, Telescopic, Heat, Freeze and Lazer.
Acuminiousness (Big Thinking)
Every book on success whether Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnegie or H.P. Lovecraft espouses the same principle; 'Think Big!' This allows villains to aspire to greater things and in consecutively larger scales, often written as "first ____, then the WORLD!" With a limitless number of universes, dimensions, temporal planes and Poland to conquer, each one an oyster ready for shucking by an ambitious enough villain.
The Having Of A Doctorate Degree
It stands to reason that any person who could grind through standard education long enough to acquire a doctorate in any field is clearly an abnormal fellow, affording them Awesome Suspicions. However, the number of Evil Awesomes with doctorates vastly outnumbers the number of Non-Evil Awesomes with doctorates, leading some scholars to beleive that, if the Having Of A Doctorate Degree is not a sure sign of Evil, then it must at least be a sign of Evil potential. All folks with doctorates, whether Awesome or Mundane, must then be treated as Villains until proven otherwise.
As espoused in evil writer Edward de Bono's book New Think: The Use of Lateral Thinking, lateral thinking is solving problems through an indirect and creative approach, using reasoning that is not immediately obvious and involving ideas that may not be obtainable by using only traditional step-by-step logic.
Important to continuing on your path of total darkness is being free from the things that hold back other lower lifeforms such as natural beauty, compassion, familial ties, mercy, empathy, and art appreciation. This is acheived by a variety of excercises and methods (books and tapes) including but not limited to; cynicism, the glums, the blues, nihilism, realism (if you are a college student), doomsaying, stinkin' thinkin', misanthropy, foreboding, dejection, lugubriousness, religious fanatacism, macabreness, black humor, and brooding.
Just try to use your evil judgement.
All those who oppose or defy you will obviously be crushed, and it goes without saying then ground to dust in their acts and thinking against you. However those who somehow survived inflicting some past injustice upon your imperious person reserve a special place in your grand plans for total dominance of all things. Though important to your Vision, revenge is a dish best served cold, and should be not cloud your evil judgement, even as it pervades your every thought and drives every action.
In all things you possess, (and you must possess all things, see: Greed) you must be the skillful and artful Master, and this certainly pertains to the special knowledge, talents, powers and abilities either inborn or
stolen acquired in your conquests. This is in direct opposition, of course, the 'Virtue' of Laziness, and this natural conflict has led to many Masters theses in Psychology.
While enslaving, conquering, or slaughtering wholesale entire populations, one of the most savory joys of evil is letting them know and feel with each fibre of their being just how imperiled they really are at the moment, by your hands. As a broad, magnificent gesture where the entire cosmos hangs in the balance, or the hero's betrothed maiden may die at your whim, Imperilment isn't just a 'Virtue', its a dastardly delicious part of the evil lifestyle, and one of the many perks or goals of any bad villain.
One of the finest motives, and simply a less-directed form of Vengeance (and sometimes in conjunction with it), Seething Hatred at authority, the rest of them, those who laughed/scoffed at the idea, your rivals, those meddling kids, your parents, the universe, those lesser beings, or puppies fills you up with a spiritual fire, feeding you and invigorating you to act. And act very cruel indeed. Doubly pleasurable is the knowledge that your victims are most likely deserving of any acts you commit based on your Seething Hatred.
Let loose. It's the weekend. Let it CONSUME you.
Power Madness can be dangerous, clouding your judgement and perhaps allowing your enemies to outwit even your Acuminiousness, eventually leading to Full Power Consumption. So if you must go Mad, be sure to either already have a bureaucratic corporate structure that can both reveal and propel your Evil Madness, or retain your evil Genius as the Mad Genius type.
Once you have grown your evil empire a respectable amount, its time to branch out into other fields of evil study. Get your dirty fingers in many dirty pies, so to speak. Super-science, the Black Arts, Martial Arts, Liberal Arts, Politics, Foodservice, Civil Law, International Espionage, Multinational Corporations, the Military, Demolitions, Gang violence... the list of career goals, evil schemes, and dark styles of violence are nearly endless to an industrious villain!
With such an extensive evil network, and in order to enjoy the perks of Revelry and Laziness so second-nature, it is important to Delegate your unpleasant, repetitive, beneath you, or stupid jobs to those lessers whom you feel at least capable enough to perform them without completely failing you. You must overcome your natural Distrust and instead Mind Control a complex structure of close advisors, henchmen, soldiers (souljahs), gaurds and sexslaves to improve efficiency, spread your shadowy tendrils of control, elude authorities, secure your plan from do-gooders, and have plenty of fall-guys and scapegoats.
Some of the most accomplished evil organizations in the galaxy have been complex bureacracies, examples include: The Roman Empire, the Mafia, the Galactic Empire, the Church of Scientology, and the Department of Motor Vehicles. Be ever-vigilant, of course, of usurping viziers, mutinous generals, goldbricking gaurds, sabateur computer engineers, or double-agent vixens.
Location! Location! Location!
This 'Virtue' has no recommended serving suggestion, and many arguments have ended in disintegration over the absolute best villainouse hideout to obtain and Lord over; interdimensional rift, volcanic base, mobile opression robot, weaponized airship, abandoned carnival, hollowed out moon, industrial park, skyscraper, swamp or Epcot are all wonderful options depending on your personal tastes.
Using a variety of techniques such as "magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship" you may, at some point, discover the ability to control the thoughts and actions, even belief systems of your minions, your victims, world populations, dates, and even your worst foes. You will find it not much different than Snake-charming. Be aware; once somebody discovers how your particular brand of Mind Control works, they may inexplicably become immune to it.
See full article: Invincibility You cannot be vinced.
Your legacy will take many forms, written in Ancient Tomes and orally passed in hushed whispers, the allegorical reference of evil characterized in legend, the massive skeletal graveyards of those who dared oppose you, etc. Though you will live on in infamy for all time, if you manage Immortality and/or Invincibility, these seem a bit redundant, and only serve to keep them shuddering in fear for your amusement. Your Legacy may also take the form of an heir, though one should be careful of the inherent treachery of one born of your loins.
See full article: Immortality The longer a villain has on this world to plan atrocious acts, the longer they may have to commit atrocious acts. A practical tool and ultimate goal of evil and total dominance is everlasting life, granted by science, magic, religion, or some other thing, with countless aeons to crush all under your boot, and reflect on the glory of your unstoppable omnipotence, you might actually think of that other thing.
Full Power Consumption
full article Full Power Consumption
When the option to fuse with a limitless amount of energy or power, perhaps siphoned off from a celestial Full Power Consumption (or FPC) can, for obvious reasons, completely destroy the individual attempting it, and for this reason is considered an optional 'Virtue.' It should be noted, however, that contrary to the high odds of being destroyed, the greater number of villains being fully consumed by power do often survive, if even for only a few moments in order to fulfill their evil legacy.
Examples include; Baphomet, Angra Mainyu, Kali, Sauron, Gozer the Gozerian, the Moon Child, Emperor Palpatine, Tiamat, Michael Jordan, and every other page of the Bible.
If you happen to see your plans crumble before you, and unfortunately (and however unlikely) shown how the mighty have fallen, remember your fallback positions, escape routes, persistent driving focus, and evil laugh, as surely this was all part of your plan all along. The fools.
Many have died to preserve the 'Virtues' more or less as you now see them, and it is unknown how many have been lost to the bloody sands of time, or added by nefarious self-interested parties along the way. For about two centuries one of the laws was 'Worship Mazda' but has since been seen as personal propaganda not suitable to the use of the 'Virtues' in a larger context, especially since Mazda's infernal banishment from our ethereal plane by do-gooding Warrior-Priests. Many orchestrated wars have been fought over iterations of these evil themes, each and every time both sides insisting that their interpretaion is faultless. Only with the spilled blood of thousands of foolish pawns, and the eventual beheading, strangulation, or disintegration of the opposing opinion-holder has the current list finally been decided. Clearly, the 'Virtues' are now in their most perfect form, and none dare defy them.
A common way to end arguments regarding the authenticity of a particular entry to the 'Virtues' is for two villainous overlords to take disintegrator rays, stand back-to-back, say they are going to walk ten paces, and then whoever decides to turn earliest before the ten, slaying the other, wins the debate.
For more information, visit your local library.